I'm a little tired. I took 28 calls on Wednesday, but only 18 today. I just dyed my hair red again, because it was fading. No pictures, because my webcam doesn't handle color really well. I'm going to leave you with links to my two all time favorite weird online jokes:
use speakerphone only when necessary It's okay if you want to have the speakerphone on while you're on hold waiting for me to answer, I wouldn't want to have a phone pressed to my ear for 20 minutes or so either. It's okay if I ask you to go check something across the room and you still need to be in contact with me. It's not okay if your phone is right next to the computer and I'm not asking you to do anything complicated. Those things screech and pop and cut out so that I miss what you're saying at vital times. So not only are you hurting my ears, but you're making it harder for me to figure out what I can do to help.
don't call on a cell phone unless you're troubleshooting your modem connection, or you're out in the field and don't have access to a real phone. Please see above about screeching, popping, and cutting out. It's just silly to call me for help with troubleshooting while you're driving around in traffic. You need your hands to drive, I need you to use your hands to work on the computer. I'm guessing you don't have 4 hands. Also, if your cell phone dies or your signal strength drops, I have to call you back. If I can't reach you, you're probably going to have to call back and wait on hold again, and nobody wants that.
don't get mad at me Whatever is bugging you, whether it's the fact that you've been trying to print for 3 hours and can't get it to work, or you had to wait on hold for 15 minutes, or you're out of free support, it's not my fault. I didn't make the printer stop working, I didn't make all those other people call before you and up the hold time, and I didn't write the support policies. If you're upset, call after you've calmed down, or if it's an emergency, please take a deep breath and realize that the support person you're speaking to did not create the problem.
note I'm human, I get stressed out too. If you're upset, just let me know. Say things like, "I know it's not your fault, I'm just frustrated" and you're bound to get sympathy from me. I really do want to help, and I'll do what I can. If I think we need to make an exception, I'll get in touch with the people who have the ability to do that.
support isn't free This is just the way it goes. Companies have to be able to pay the tech support staff they employ. If companies offered free support for unlimited periods of time, they'd be hemorrhaging money. If you don't want to pay for support, do some research before you call. You're paying for professional help. If you think it's just an easy fix, then you can probably find the answer for free somewhere else.
there are no simple questions I'm not kidding. There are no simple questions. I don't and can't know everything. Even if you think it's a yes or no answer, it might take me 5 minutes to scrounge up that answer. I'm not trained in every product we produce, or every model of computer we ever made, and I certainly don't know about every third-party peripheral on the market. We have the same resources available to us as you do, essentially, so do your research.
give me the info i ask for I'm not asking you for your serial number for fun. I'm not even asking for it just to determine whether you're out of support or not. I'm asking for it because a) it pulls up specs on that machine that you, the customer, often can't provide to me and b) if your computer does need service, I'm going to need it. I'm sorry it's a hassle, but any company is going to ask for some kind of account number, or enrollment number, or serial number when you call. You don't expect the credit card company not to ask for the credit card number, right? The same goes when I ask you if you have peripherals attached to the computer. Don't say "No" because you don't want to unplug them, and then tell me 10 minutes later, "Oh, except for this complicated SCSI-based digital music setup, and my camcorder, and two printers, and a scanner...and...and..." I wouldn't ask for the information if I didn't need it, and the sooner you give it to me, the sooner you and I will both be off the phone.
be prepared This ties in to the last point. Please be in front of the computer, or near it, when you call and have any information and disks that you think you will need. Then you won't be frustrated when I ask for it.
one more thing Don't ask me if they're paying me well, or treating me well, or if I'm happy. I know you're a nice person, and you think I'm being helpful, so you want to know that I'm being properly rewarded. Let's be honest, though, tech support does not really pay well, and it can be really stressful when I'm not dealing with nice people like you. They listen to my calls, so I can't tell you this when you're on the phone with me. If you think I'm doing a good job, and you want to express this, I would really appreciate it if you just asked who you can email to tell them how great I am. I'm personally trying to make an effort to give more positive feedback to other tech support folks who have to deal with me.
I have to say that the vast majority of people I speak to on a daily basis are really nice, or at least polite, and I'm thankful for that. Unfortunately, I've been letting the few difficult customers poison my mood. I'm going to try to stop that. Thanks for indulging this latest bit of catharsis.
