I finally found the words to a kid's song I've had stuck in my head for weeks. I kept asking everyone if they remembered it, and most hadn't even heard of it, and if they had, they only remembered as much as I did. Here it is, for your reading pleasure:
Oh, I wish I were a little squishy orange (squish, squish) Oh, I wish I were a little squishy orange (squish, squish) I'd go squirty, squirty, squirty over everybodys shirty Oh, I wish I were a little squishy orange (squish, squish)
Oh, I wish I were a little can of coke (guzzle, guzzle) Oh, I wish I were a little can of coke (guzzle, guzzle) I'd go down with a slurp and come up with a burp Oh, I wish I were a little can of coke (guzzle, guzzle)
Oh, I wish I were a little speedy car (beep, beep) Oh, I wish I were a little speedy car (beep, beep) I'd go speedy, speedy, speedy over everybodys feety Oh, I wish I were a little speedy car (beep, beep)
Oh, I wish I was a little bar of soap, bar of soap Oh, I wish I was a little bar of soap, bar of soap I'd go shiney, shiney, shiney over everybodies hiney Oh, I wish I was a little bar of soap, bar of soap
Oh I wish I was a little sticky bun, sticky bun Oh I wish I was a little sticky bun, sticky bun I go slidy, slidy, slidy down everybodies insidies Oh I wish I was a little sticky bun, sticky bun
Oh I wish I was a little English spallow, English swallow Oh I wish I was a little English spallow, English swallow I'd sit up on the steeple and spit upon the people Oh I wish I was a little English spallow, English swallow
Oh I wish I was a little striped skunk, striped skunk Oh I wish I was a little striped skunk, striped skunk I sit up in the trees and perfume all the breezes Oh I wish I was a little striped skunk, striped skunk
Oh I wish I was a little tree root, tree root Oh I wish I was a little tree root, tree root I'd stick up on the trail and flip you on your tail Oh I wish I was a little tree root, tree root
Oh I wish I was a little slimy slime, slimy slime Oh I wish I was a little slimy slime, slimy slime I'd go oozy, oozy, oozy in everybodies shoesies Oh I wish I was a little slimy slime, slimy slime
2.13.2001
Weird things are afoot at the Circle K
Well, actually, the HEB (which stands for Herbert E. Butz, no wonder he chose to use the initials). I headed over to the HEB (a grocery store) to pick up some items to bake a flourless chocolate cake and I was in a huge hurry because Erica and I were cooking dinner in just a few hours.
I ran into someone I know who works at the gas station near my house, and she was looking at some socks. They were stretchy and black and came with many different kinds of decoration on top. Together, we figured out that the decorations at the top of the sock could also be used as hair accessories.
After saying "see you later", I headed to the kitchen gadgets/garbage bags/plastic containers aisle to look at baking pans, since I lost my whole set of springform pans the first time through college. As soon as I entered the aisle, a woman came towards me bearing a small pyrex roasting pan. "Can I ask you a question?" she said. "Sure," I answered. "Do you make lasagna?" Is this a trick question? "Yes, I make lasagna sometimes." "Is this okay for two people?" After glancing once again at the dish, I said "Yes, that should be fine for two people". "What's the difference between this and that? (pointing to a metal roasting pan)" [fuck if I know!!] "Uh...maybe the glass is easier to clean? I usually use glass for roasting and metal for baking." "Oh, so it is safe in the oven?" "Yes, absolutely." "Oh, thank you." "Sure, anytime." I realised early on that she probably wasn't born in America (she was asian, but with only a slight accent) and maybe had never roasted anything before, so just needed a little help from any random person. But then...
I wandered across the aisle to look at those semi-disposable imitation-tupperware things that Glad makes, and as I was browsing, "Excuse me, do you know what those things are, the ones that look like a shower cap and have the elastic and they snap on over your dishes?" "Why yes, I do, you're talking about the Saran Quick Covers, right?" "Yeah, do you know if they have them here?" "Uh, I don't know I haven't looked for them..." A quick glance over the shelves shows me that they're located just above me and to the left. "Oh look, there they are!" "That's them? Great, thanks!"
I looked down at myself, at this point, and realised that I look nothing like an HEB employee. I'm sloppier, for one, and I'm not wearing a bright blue HEB polo shirt with matching nametag, and I'm carrying a shopping basket. I wonder if I can charge the store for "misc. services rendered".
