Anita Liberty: That was funny.
Marc Maron:
Good. Sometimes I feel like I'm getting paid to talk dirty to townies.
It was funny.
It's weird.
You're very relaxed.
Oh, yeah? I must have been a little drunk.
I can see where you must have written a joke...
Those are written jokes.
But it seems so...
Improvisational?
Yeah.
Thank God.
The amazing thing about you is that you're so comfortable on stage.
What? The stand-up stage? I live there.
So do you have fun?
I've been doing this a long time. I mean, it's fun. I know when it's fun. Definitely. I just want it to go a little deeper. I want some deeper fun.
It's really amazing what you do.
I don't even understand why. I feel like I'm really very simple.
Maybe that's why it's so amazing.
Simple is okay.
You're yourself.
Yeah.
I think.
God.
I mean, maybe that's why I enjoy watching you so much. I can walk over to the club with you and have the same experience as watching you onstage. That's cool.
That's good. Consistency is good.
You're not acting like someone you're not.
No, actually, the problem is that I'm like three different people. And they all sort of do a time-share in my soul. I have to just see which one I can let out and which one I have to keep in.
Can you be sure to keep the funny one out?
Oh, yeah. I want to keep the funny one out, it's the evil one I need to watch. The bastard.
Who's the evil one?
Oh, he just always wants to get into trouble. It's like his needs are very fucking immediate. And he'll just do anything.
Does the evil one ever show up on stage? I haven't seen him.
Oh yes, of course. Of course.
Yeah?
I have him onstage a lot.
What form does he take? Self-sabotage?
No, hopefully now he'll just talk about being the bastard that he is. As opposed to actually doing dastardly things. I'm hoping that the little sort of evil seed in me is nostalgic and feels like it's had its best days. They are all behind him now. So if I can just get him up there onstage to tell stories, perfect.
That's fine.
That's perfect.
So who's another? The nice guy? The shy guy?
No, he's young. Real young. I don't think he's that nice. He's just young. Like nine.
Nine?
Yeah.
[Laughs.]
I'm bringing that guy out in bits. I'm trying to figure out what to do with him. Because he's very dissatisfied. I have a very dissatisfied nine-year-old in me. Sometimes I can make this anger funny. If I don't compromise my dreams and get sad.
Can I ask you about LETTERMAN? Even though you don't seem to want to talk about it?
Yeah.
Are you psyched? Does it feel like a milestone?
I don't know if it feels like a milestone. It feels like closure, actually. Like I can finally get it done. I'm not really excited about the set I have to do. I just want to make sure that it's efficient. Because I've done some shitty sets on TV recently, and I don't know that I have been as disciplined as I should have been. The stuff they want [for LETTERMAN] is pretty old, and so it's sort of a little jokier than I'm used to working, but I think that's what works best in a show.
What's the process like? Do they literally tell you what jokes to do? And how do they convey that? To you? Or to your manager?
They've been looking at me on and off for eight years, you know. After a fifteen or twenty minute set, they come up to you and tell you that you can't use that, you can't use that, and there are certain things you can't use. Then you just start honing it down.
How do you write your material? Do you talk into a recorder?
No, not unless I'm onstage.
You'll carry a recorder onstage with you and turn it on?
Yeah, sometimes. Then I don't listen to the tapes. See, I have hundreds of tapes of me that I don't listen to. I had the idea that I'd listen to them, but now they're just sort of...evidence.
That you were here once?
Yeah, witness that it's all there. Some of it's there. When I write, I don't usually write funny. I mean, I do, but I mean like, here, I'll try to show you...ow, shit.
]Bangs his knee on the desk.]
I guess that's why you don't write at the computer too often. 
[Looking at his computer files.] "Learning how to get away with something is just as difficult as learning how not to do it. And it requires much less restraint." See? I write really stupid things like that. "I saved a file. It was lost. Heroism in the information age."
[Laughs.]
You liked that one?
Yeah, it was sweet.
Those are the things that I have to pick through.
(Reading): "I have floating standards, which means that I can impulsively change them according to the situation. Some people call that being spineless. I call it natural selection." [Laughs.]
[Laughs.]
"Try not to act like an insect for a few minutes."
Yeah, I don't know what that means.
"It's so clear that right now means absolutely nothing."
See? These are my moments at the computer. I can't fictionalize. I have this ability to write things that seem really profound, but if you process them a little bit, they're just bullshit and they go nowhere. I think that is a great gift.
That is a gift.
***
I started talking about being engaged [to my girlfriend, Kim] onstage, and I was really troubled by it because I'm actually narcissistic enough to think that I probably hurt a lot of people.
Oh, Marc.
What?
Oh, God.
Isn't that horrible?
Yeah.
I'm thinking beforehand that I have to do this for me, and I have to do it for the girls, y'know?
You have to let them know you're off the market.
Yep. I've got to really fucking put it to rest now. Hmmm.
The sad thing is that maybe that makes you more attractive.
No, if you're married, you become more attractive. It seems to me from what I understand, that when you're married, women want to fuck you. Which is odd. But I think the engagement is your grace period. Maybe I'm wrong, but I don't find that anyone's coming at me right now.
Is Kim possessive?
To a certain degree. I mean, she knows that I'm sort of an old devil. But she also knows more about the other part of me. I wouldn't say she's possessive, but she gets a little jealous. She was wondering what you were doing at our apartment.
She was?
She says, "Anita Liberty's at our house? Should I be worried?"
Oh, see, I don't want her to--
I told her, no, not at all.
Does a "No, not at all" from you work?
Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. I just don't always say the right things. I don't always do the right things. One time, Kim was jealous of some girl, and she asked if she had a reason to be jealous, and I said, no, she doesn't like me.
That's kind of the wrong thing to say.
Kim's like, "Honey, that's not what you're supposed to say." She's very sweet.
When are you getting married?
April.
Okay, that'll be very cool.
It'll be very cool. It's all just, you know, happening so quick in a way. I fucking bought the ring, and then next thing I know, it just kind of took off.
You've been together for seven years.
I know. The honeymoon's over.
Or it's just beginning.
It's definitely a different state of mind to know you're engaged. It definitely changed things. I probably should have done it a little earlier, although I don't know if I would have been ready to do it then. I don't know if I'm ready to do it now. I got no work, I got no future. Who the fuck knows what's going to happen? Why the hell does that make it a good time to be married? I don't know.
She doesn't seem to mind, though.
I know. She's got faith.
That's cool.
That's good. We'll see that happens. I'm excited about it. It's gonna be good. It's gonna be weird. I'm the first of my comic friends that's getting married.
. . .
[We have been watching a nature show on snakes.]
. . .
What have we actually learned about snakes so far, Mark?
That we really should appreciate them a lot more. That apparently they have become sort of sensitive to our lack of respect.
But the thing is that they bite us.
I was also amazed to learn that venom is so horrible. I mean, if you're not around snakes, why would you know stuff like that? With venom, you could lose a leg, an arm. You could have nerve damage. That's not a bee sting. And I didn't know it was that yellowy color.
Do you think there are snakes in Arizona? In the botanical gardens?
Where I'm getting married?
Yeah.
There are snakes in Arizona. Um, fortunately, none of them are in my girlfriend's family.
Next time you speak to Kim, could you make sure there aren't any snakes in the botanical gardens?
Yeah. Or tarantulas.
Do you go camping? Are you like an outdoorsy person?
No. I go hiking. I enjoy a good hike.
You don't like sleeping over outside?
I don't have the equipment. It's probably better if you have a tent and stuff. You know, you don't want to just lay out there. I like to hike though. [Pause.] What happened to the snake show?
Snakes are done.
We're now in Africa, where there's a rabies epidemic.
I'm not as interested in that, to be honest.
Why? 'Cause it's sad?
Um, yeah. It's watching animals go into seizures and then die.
Right. But isn't that part of the whole thing, though?
Yeah.
I watched this show about this sad family of lions that just couldn't pull it together to keep procreating enough to sustain their pride. It was really depressing. [Yawns.]
Yeah. I like shows about bees.
Bees? I do, too. They're sort of impressive, aren't they?
Mm-hmm.
That monkey doesn't look happy.
Why is that?
Um, I don't know. Look at that little monkey.
Tune in next week to GIVE ME LIBERTY for part two of Anita Liberty's Interview with Mark Maron.
Who is Anita Liberty? | Anita Liberty on Anita Liberty | Weekend Report | Advice from Anita Liberty | Datebook | An Interview | A Poem | Excerpts From Her Best-Selling Self-Help Manual | A Word | Postcards to Your Ex | Email to Anita Liberty | Liberate Yourself | Anita Liberty Hot Line
