UVR3

Upon Demitri's disappearance, the plotting began.

A 'phone call from Heihachi Mishima, and a few well-placed taps into the RumbleDome security system, confirmed that Demitri was still in the RumbleDome. That same security system also established that Demitri, as of yet, had not left the basement. What that might mean was, for the moment, disregarded.

Another series of 'phone calls alerted the mercenaries Mishima had hired, as well as Bison. A division of Shadoloo troops with Bison in the lead disappeared into the basements moments later. Another division remained in their hotel rooms manning a sophisticated electronics array that disabled the basement's security networks.

The bounty hunters poured into the basement, flashlights and wooden stakes in hand, a few minutes later. There were quite a lot of them; many of the hunters Mishima had hired had told others of the bounty, or had gotten help.

Jacky Bryant, who didn't know any of this, was on his way to the basement at a breakneck pace, holding the Power Gem in one hand and running for his life. Mr. Big's search party followed him down, Axel Hawk swearing brutal and messy vengeance the whole way.

Of course, none of these parties had any way of knowing about Blackheart's uneasy alliance of demons, which was also holed up in the basement. They were waiting for Blackheart and Lilith to make their way down from the regeneration tanks and the Eliminated seating, respectively. None of them noticed, or would have paid any attention to if they had, the small army of skilled fighters coming down on their position. They were too busy glaring at each other.

Soon, things started getting crazy.

The Ring

Gill had a very sophisticated battle plan: he blasted anything that moved with alternating bolts of flames and cold. Those who had fireballs of their own retailiated in kind, and Rimururu, giggling, added to the confusion with her ice mirror, ricocheting projectiles into the far corners of the ring.

Chun Li was in the heart of his crossfire, barely managing to protect herself with minature Kikoshos. Urgo slowly crept up on her from behind and leapt, ready to maul her to pieces between its fangs.

It wasn't even halfway to Chun Li when Captain America's shield bounced off its forehead. Urgo slowed down in mid-air, and was hammered to the ground by about six stray fireballs from various fighters. Chun Li let loose with a full-fledged Kikosho a moment later, knocking most of the fighters around her to the mat. When she was credited with an eliminated fighter on the scoreboard, she couldn't figure out why.

Urgo landed on a lily pad in Frogger, punched through it, and sank to the bottom of the pond. The frogs nearby had no comment.

Warhead, back in the ring, did, however. He ran back and forth, trying to dodge Sie Kensou's Chokyudans and Taria's mystical force bolts. He wasn't having much luck. "YOU LOUSY CHICKEN-LIVERED SACKS OF CRAP! IF ANY OF YOU HAD HALF THE COURAGE GOD GAVE A DUCK, YOU'D FACE ME MAN TO MAN! COME ON, TAKE A SWING!"

Heavy D! walked over to him. "Okay."

Warhead poked D! in the chest. "OH, SO YOU THINK YOU'RE BAD ENOUGH TO FIGHT ME, PUNK?! WELL, LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING, MISTER, YOU AIN'T BAD 'TIL YOU'VE DONE WHAT I DO FOR TWO HUNDRED YEARS! YOU'RE JUST A WHINY LITTLE MOMMA'S BOY! THAT'S WHAT YOU ARE, AREN'T YOU?! ADMIT IT, PRIVATE!"

"What did you say about my mom?" D! clenched his fist. He actually did start to glow.

"OH, SO THE LITTLE GIRL IS GOING TO GET MAD AT ME NOW, IS SHE--"

"Watch this!"

"Ladies and gentlemen," Wanderer said melodramatically, "I give you... the D! Crazy. Let's watch."

Warhead, a massive crack in his chest leaking green fire, went flying out of the ring and bounced off the ground in another node. He staggered to his feet, trying to hold himself together, but no force on Earth could have restrained the radioactive Ore inside his torso from exploding. Warhead went critical a moment later, vaporizing himself and reducing everything for ten miles around to a scarred wasteland. Fortunately, it was the Spice World node, so no innocent people were hurt.

Back in the ring, Heavy D! cracked his knuckles. "No one talks like that about my mom, man."

The audience, watching the nuclear devastation on the DimensionCam, started clapping their hands and stomping their feet. The inevitable chant began somewhere in the back, and grew in intensity until it shook the 'Dome.

"WAR GODS SUCK! WAR GODS SUCK!"

D!, hearing this, shot a glance at the Silver Samurai, who was fighting Mitsurugi nearby. The Samurai's face spoke volumes, even as he abruptly flipped Mitsurugi into the "ropes".

D! swore out loud and ran. Dudley came up to him as he did, his fists up. "Now then, where were we?"

"Later! Come on!" D! grabbed him by the arm and half-dragged the other boxer across the ring.

"I say, dear fellow, this is highly irregular," Dudley protested.

"Screw 'irregular'," D! muttered. "That shiny bastard's gone crazy."

The Samurai roared his frustration to the sky, and set out for the other side of the ring at a dead run. As he ran, he slashed at anything and anyone that got in his path; this included Gill, who got a lung carved out by the Samurai's katana, and Sie Kensou, who saw the Samurai coming and ducked underneath a backhand swipe. Anyone with half an ounce of sense dashed out of his way.

That, however, did not include Felicia, who was having the time of her life.

Torgo was her ideal opponent; short, slow, and easily angered. As he rushed at her with his head lowered, Felicia jumped onto his head, pushed his helmet down over his eyes, and jumped back down. Torgo kept running, trying to push his helmet up and keep ahold of his hammer simultaneously. It didn't work out all that well.

Felicia batted at the air. "Have fun, little man! 'Bye-nya!"

"I DO NOT SUCK! AAAIGGGH!!"

"Meow?"

*slashslashslashslashslashslashslashslashslashslash*

Torgo, juggling helmet, hammer, and the Time Gem (all this one-armed, mind you), turned around to see the Silver Samurai knock Felicia out of the ring. The Samurai's tirade was interrupted by a dwarven hammer crashing into the side of his head, making a sound like a church bell hit by a small car.

Felicia landed in Street Fighter Alpha 2, in Birdie's stage. The smell alone nearly killed her.

Back in the ring, Gill, coughing up blood, pulled himself to his feet and froze the first person he saw, Iori Yagami, into an ice sculpture. The Silver Samurai, who was now seeing double, saw two fireballs coming towards him, dodged the wrong one, and went down in flames.

Gill, breathing heavily, healed the wound and stood up straight. "I have borne enough insult. Prepare yourselves for the ends of your lives--"

"First rule no villain ever learns..."

Captain America slammed his shield into Gill's face, knocking the supervillain on his back.

"...quit talking and fight, or you lose. That simple." Cap flipped backwards, avoiding a clothesline punch, and slung his shield at the supervillain's chest.

Gill reached out and slapped the shield to the mat. "Don't make me laugh, sheep." Gill put one foot down on the edge of the shield. As Cap ran in to knock him away, he had to throw himself to the mat to avoid a bolt of fire.

As Cap dodged for his life, Iori ripped free of Gill's ice. With a snarl, he called his flames into his hands, and was startled. The fires of Yagami were still violet, but were now brighter and hotter, if only slightly. Apparently, the power he'd absorbed from Gentsai was now fully his. Iori grinned.

At the same time Iori came to this realization, Rimururu was taking a few steps backward. Konril was waiting obediently by the side of the ring. She was getting ready to run forward, plant one foot on Konril, and jump out of the ring so she could go find Nakoruru.

She was just about to jump when Konril squeaked a warning, and Rimururu turned just in time to block. When she saw who was firing at her, her eyes narrowed.

"That can't be good. Come on, Konril! For Nature!" Rimururu ran to the attack.

Gill was concentrating on Captain America, and thus never saw either of them coming. The blue side of Gill's body was engulfed in Iori's Yami Barai, and his red side was hit with a steady barrage of ice flowers.

Both Iori and Rimururu advanced on Gill, blasting the tyrant to his knees. Even when a thick cloud of steam obscured both them and Gill, the sounds of hissing flames and crackling ice continued.

Finally, the cloud dissipated. Iori and Rimururu were unhurt, but Gill was standing in the middle of a deep puddle of water, his hands covering his face. His skin--on both sides of his body--was sunburn-pink.

"I think we broke him," Rimururu murmured.

Captain America grinned slightly as he retrieved his shield. As he stood up--he was now two feet taller than Gill--he went into the Hyper Stars 'n' Stripes, slamming Gill over the "ropes", where he hit the forcefields and fell limply through the dimensional field.

Gill landed in Thin Ice. As he stood there, shivering, a penguin in a cute little snow hat skated around him in a circle, dumping him into the water.

Room 690, RumbleDome Hotel

They knelt on tatami mats at the moment, resting. The last few days were a blur of training and self-exploration, fighting and meditation, and both men felt the strain.

Kagemaru had a new respect for those who used what he thought of as "magical" techniques. The dedication required to learn them made the martial arts training of his past look like learning the alphabet. Hanzo Hattori, his sensei for the moment, recounted legends of proud samurai and ninja who thought they had mastered certain attacks, only to have them fail in the heat of battle, or worse, consume them with fire or electricity from within. The idea made Kagemaru feel sick, but only served to drive him on further.

"You have made a great deal of progress," Hanzo said in Japanese. They both wore loose-fitting robes. "We cannot train much longer, however. Soon, we will be asked to enter the ring and compete. I fear that we have no more time to learn, Kage-san."

"No!" Kage said, throwing himself to his feet. "I am capable of this! I need only an hour longer, no more!"

"We do not have an hour. I enter the ring in half that."

Kage shook his head. "I need only a bit more before I am able to achieve what you are capable of, Hattori-sensei. I'm sure of it. Twenty minutes, no more." He had not been this... exuberant... since he was a novice.

"Very well. We shall try the ember exercise again," Hanzo said with a sigh. He stood next to Kagemaru, and began speaking in a soft voice. "You are flame, Kage-san. Imagine yourself reaching into a brazier or a hearth, and grasping a burning ember. Now, withdraw that ember without pain."

Kage's eyes were closed, but he could feel heat radiating from his hands. He didn't know whether it was imagination or reality, though -- No! It is real! It has to be! He brought his hands up slowly.

"Now, pick up that ember, and hold it in your hand. Feel its flames, but do not let them burn you. Concentrate only on the flame--if your control falters for a second, you are lost.

"The flame is yours, Kage. It is a trusted ally, an extension of your own body. Trust it.

"An enemy is in front of you. Your only weapon is that ember of flame you hold. Use it."

With an involuntary yell, Kage swung his arm in a broad arc. There was a roar of rushing flame, like a lit torch swung through the air, and Kage thought for a moment he'd imagined it.

Kage opened his eyes to see the west wall of Hanzo's suite burst into orange fire. The rice-paper walls were crumbling in the heat.

"Did... did I...?"

"You have done well, Kage-san," Hanzo said quietly. "It took me two years to learn that technique, and you have learned it in scant days."

"I've mastered this technique?!" Kage looked at his hands. They seemed darker, as if he'd been working in the sun without gloves.

"No. I did not say 'mastered'. I said 'learned'." Hanzo's words were harsh, but he spoke with a faint smile. "You can summon the flame, and you are not burned by it--some never learn that knack--but you use the inner flames as a bludgeon; they are crude and destructive, but ultimately useless against all but the least skilled foes. They should serve you well in this tournament, as long as you pick your foes with caution."

"What all may I do with this ability?" One of Kage's fingers ignited, and he hastily shook it out.

"Look at other fighters' styles. The applications for such things are as limitless as your imagination." Hanzo looked at the wall clock. "Leave me now, Kage-san. I have a fire to put out and preparations to complete before I must fight."

"Yes, sensei. Thank you, sensei!" Kagemaru ran out of the room. He had preparations of his own to make.

Geese's Room, RumbleDome Hotel

It had taken all of them to get Magneto's iron prison off of Eiji Kisaragi, and then most of his men had run off to get the Power Gem. Geese didn't know what was taking them so long; whatever it was, it was keeping him almost alone in the same room as Ryuji Yamazaki. Yamazaki kept looking at him and toying with his knife.

"Why don't you go get a drink, Ryuji?" Geese suggested. "Break into someone else's room."

Quietly, Yamazaki pulled himself off the couch he was spread across, put his knife in his pocket, smiled at Geese, and walked out. He looked like a coiled spring.

Geese sat in his desk chair, rubbing his chin in thought. Yamazaki didn't worry him all that much, but being in the presence of the man was almost inviting an accident. Geese preferred not to employ homicidal maniacs whenever possible.

And where the hell was...?

The telephone on the desk rang, and Geese picked it up. "Howard." He scowled. "Yes, I'll take the call. Thank you... Krauser? Where are you? ...you fool. Three on one. You're pathetic. I don't care what he does, that's inexcusable... yes, I'll post bond, you idiot. Have them bill my room and get back up here. I'm sitting here with Yamazaki for company. It's like talking to one of those carnival paintings whose eyes follow you. Do you know what happens if the Bogards walk in?"

A voice cut in. "Well, afterwards, they move to New York and try to fulfill that Broadway dream. It's tough, but one day, Andy's working in the chorus when the big star twists her ankle."

Geese slowly hung up and turned to see Andy Bogard leaning against the doorjamb. Andy was wearing his black outfit. "I can't believe you're dumb enough to come here alone."

"Why not?" Andy took a step forward. "As long as there's injustice in the world, as long as scum like you is walking the streets, I'll be around, Geese. Look over your shoulder. I'll be there."

"Um, yeah. Andy, look over your shoulder."

Andy, without looking behind him, ducked and spun, slamming a reverse crescent kick into Yamazaki's jaw. A follow-up Hishoken to the gut, point-blank, sent him careening down the hallway like a hockey puck.

Geese stood up, clenching both fists. "All right, Bogard. Let's get this over with."

"Don't make me laugh, Howard." Andy closed the door in Yamazaki's face. "If I wanted to fight you, I'd have done it in the middle of that fascinating telephone conversation. I would also have done it with a gun, and spared us all this macho posturing crap." He assumed a parody of a crane stance. "'My technique is the best! You killed my father, so you must now face my kung fu!'" As he spoke, he mimicked bad dubbing. "Whatever."

Geese blinked. "Who are you, and what have you done with Andy Bogard?" The door started to break inward as Yamazaki kicked it.

Andy smiled. "The question is what are we going to do with Andy Bogard, Geesie."

"What are you saying?"

"I'm saying, I want to know about your dental plan. Sign me up. I'm joining your team."

Geese sat back down. He was used to strange occurrences by now, but this went beyond the pale. "All right. You're in, for now." It wouldn't hurt having a spare bit of cannon fodder. "But if you're not Andy, what do we call you?"

He thought about it for a moment. "Call me Drew. It'll do for now." He pulled a chair over to himself. "Let's talk business."

Geese made a steeple of his hands and leaned forward. "Let's."

The Ring

Hsien-Ko giggled. "Catch, Kensou!"

"No way!" Sie had seen spiked balls, bonsai trees, rocks, and swords come out of her sleeves, so when a time bomb came flying at him, it wasn't much of a surprise. As it came out, he kicked it over to Gun Jack.

The android was busy at the moment, though. King was dancing around him, avoiding his grabs and punches and generally making him look like an ass. As the time bomb glanced off his armor, he didn't even notice.

King did, and kicked it away again. Five seconds remained on the timer.

The bomb rolled by Iori Yagami, who was brushing ice crystals off his jacket, and detonated seconds later, throwing him to the ground.

He came to his senses moments later with a boot pressed into the small of his back and someone examining his arms. All he could see was a leather glove and a sword stuck into the mat next to his head.

"Don't move, boy," Taria commanded. "It hurts less that way."

"Funny you should mention that," Iori muttered. He stiffened one hand into a claw and, faster than Taria could react, grabbed her by the hand and pulled. It cost him a shallow cut across his neck, but he pulled her to the mat and rolled to his feet.

She got up just as easily, pulling a dagger from a sheath at the top of her boot. "Just hold still, child. I promise you I won't hurt you until I find out about whatever little enchantment you have there."

Iori snarled. "Mind your own business, witch."

Taria sighed. "Everyone is addicted to doing things the hard way..." With that, she leapt backward and threw a bolt of mystic force at Iori from mid-air.

She had vastly underestimated Iori's speed. He dashed forward, under the arc of Taria's bolt, and was there with a Scum Gale when she came down. Before Taria could jump away or block, Iori tore out the back of her knee with his bare hand, slammed her into the ground, and sent her over the ropes in an explosion of violet flame.

Taria, her leg bleeding copiously, landed in a bed in Theme Hospital. The physician in attendance examined her closely, took note of her third-degree burns, claw marks, and concussion, and prescribed a full lobotomy. Taria had time to scream as he gassed up the chainsaw.

As Iori stood, holding one hand against the cut on his neck, he saw a man in a paddy hat walking up to him. The man carried a sword, which he swung at Iori's chest without a word of warning or challenge. Iori bent backwards, rolled, and came up angry. "Who the hell are you, bakayarou?"

"I am Tsunami Ichiro," the man said from underneath his hat. "I'm afraid you're going to have to die."

"Is that a fact?"

"A promise." Ichiro attacked with a flurry of sword slashes.

Meanwhile, with Warhead dealt with, and the Samurai still dazed from Torgo's attack, Dudley and D! had a chance to renew their fight.

"Come on, pansy! Show me what you got!" *POW!*

"'Pansy'? Come now, fellow, you don't have to be rude." *WHAM!*

"Stop talking and fight!" *WHAP!*

"Oh, I'll fight, hooligan! Maybe later we can get you some gloves!" *CRASH!*

"Gloves? Only pansies box with gloves!" *THOOM!*

"Girls, girls... you are both pretty."

"What?"

"That wasn't me, man."

"Then who was it, old boy?"

"It vas me." Gun Jack grabbed Dudley and slammed him into the mat. "Lie down. You've got a head vound."

After that joke, D! smashed the android's face in on general principle. The subsequent punch combination sounded like a bass drum roll, finished off with a Soul Flower that sent Jack hurtling into Gunblade New York. As he got up, one of the police helicopters riddled him with machine-gun fire, but he didn't really notice.

Dudley got up. "Thank you, sir."

"No problem."

"I'm afraid that we've got to fight some more now."

"Figured as much."

They started punching each other again.

The Frag Pipe

"And now, ladies and gentlemen, let's check in on everyone's favorite moving target, Eddy Gordo, and see how he's doing," Birdman announced.

The DimensionCam tuned into the battlefield once again. In the middle of the carnage, holding onto a machinegun like his hope of salvation, was a thoroughly freaked Eddy Gordo. He had managed to kick the gun out of a soldier's hands, right before the soldier had been reduced to a fine red mist by incoming rocket fire, but now had no idea what to do or where to go. He crouched in a corner of the warehouse, watching the blasts sizzle through the air.

"Well, that's thoroughly uninteresting," Wanderer said.

"Y'know, even though he is a waste of oxygen, he's still arguably human, man," Birdman said. "Can't you show some compassion? He's obviously scared out of his mind."

Wanderer looked at him.

"Yeah, I know," Birdman continued. "I'm just playing devil's advocate here." As they spoke, a woman managed to bounce a grenade into Eddy's hidey-hole. Eddy vanished in a cloud of fire. "I'm enjoying this just as much as everyone else."

Eddy reappeared on a platform, and immediately backflipped off of it as a rocket took a chunk out of the wall. When he landed, he saw the soldier who'd fired it standing in place for a few precious seconds, lining him up.

With a ferocious yell, Eddy threw himself forward into his jenga, dancing around and making it almost impossible to get a clear shot off. The soldier fired, missing by a quarter-inch, and Eddy got in close enough to catch the man in a Satellite Moon. The rocket launcher flew out of his hands and into Eddy's.

Eddy checked the launcher. It had five rockets in it, and it appeared to work along the same principle as a pump-action shotgun.

He chambered a rocket. "ALL RIGHT, YOU SONS OF BITCHES!" he yelled. "YOU'RE ALL GOING TO DIE!"

With that, he vaporized the man he'd taken the rocket launcher from, and ran off.

"Wow. He looks mad, folks!" Wanderer said.

"Yeah, whatever."

Eddy had four rockets, and he made them count.

Two soldiers were crouched inches apart from each other, firing blasters point-blank and hoping the other would die before they would. Eddy interrupted the duel with a rocket, blowing both men to indiscriminate chunks of flesh.

A woman rounded the corner and saw Eddy. As she snapped off a rocket of her own, Eddy did an armless cartwheel over a nearby lava pit, and the rocket exploded harmlessly against a wall. Even before he had landed, Eddy fired, not at the woman, but at a nearby wall. The woman was caught in the concussion and thrown into a pool of lava. Her screams ended quickly.

As Eddy watched her, a railgun slug flew over his shoulder, snipping off a dreadlock. He did not turn, he only moved, slipping through the hallways of the warehouse like smoke. Inches behind him, a man with a railgun turned the air into a storm of death.

The man was hasty, though, and ran into a room after Eddy without checking to either side of the door.

The man was dead.

"Holy hell," Birdman said.

"I think he's found his calling," Wanderer mused. The RumbleDome was in mild shock.

Eddy scooped up his victim's railgun as he walked by, noting the spray-painted "A.o.D" on what was left of the man's armor vest, and fired his last rocket at the first soldier to walk by. The soldier ducked back around a corner, barely dodging it.

"Now..." Eddy muttered to himself, "...how to work this?"

The railgun was not as simple a weapon as the rocket launcher had been. It had ten slugs remaining--that was displayed on an LCD screen on the left side of the barrel--but Eddy could not figure out how he was supposed to hold it. He almost had it figured out when a woman--the same woman he had blown into the lava pool--put an entire cell of hyperblaster rounds into his back.

"I think I spoke too soon," Wanderer mused again.

"I think you're right."

Eddy respawned. Words began to appear across the top of the screen.

A.o.D.: let's get the guy with the dreadlocks
Shadowboxer: Hell yeah!
Izuna: Cool.
OgOpOgO-: works for me

From there, Eddy didn't stand a chance. Every time he respawned, there was a bullet or a rocket or a railgun slug already en route to his chest cavity. The level ended ten minutes later, and over the course of those ten minutes, Eddy was killed forty-three times.

"I think that's enough," Birdman said. He turned a dial on the board in front of him, and when the new level began, Eddy was no longer there. "That was turning into a snuff movie."

"What did you do with him?"

"I'll make up my mind on that later. Find out what the bidding's up to."

Stands, Rumbledome

"YAY, KENSOU! Kick that ghost's butt!"

Ryo pulled Athena down. "Keep quiet, Athena! We're supposed to be in the ready room, not in the stands!"

"I know that, silly." She kissed his cheek. "But if I can't cheer on my friends, what's the point?"

"To eat hot dogs?" Ryo tried to think of a better point.

"That too. GO, KENSOU!"

Ryo looked around. He was half-expecting to see security guards, but instead, to his surprise, he saw Kyo Kusanagi making his way down the row towards them. Goro Daimon and Benimaru Nikkaido were standing in the aisle.

Kyo kicked the guy next to Ryo out of his seat--the man in question stood up, snorted, brushed off his red tuxedo, and stalked away--and sat down. "Hey, Sakazaki," he said, stealing some of Ryo's popcorn.

"Oh! Kyo! Hi, Kyo!" Athena ignored Kensou instantly. "Howareyou? I'mfine. IwasjustwatchingtheRumbleandwaitingformyturnandcheeringonKensouwhoisn'tmyboy friendnotatall.."

"What did you want, Kyo? I'm kind of busy." Ryo tried to ignore Athena's drooling.

"You're coming with me and Beni and Goro for a few minutes. Did you hear about Maximov?"

Ryo sat up straight. "No. What?"

"He's holed up in the basement and he's got about six hundred people gunning for his head. I want you to help me find him first. I need to do some really painful things to him."

Ryo thought about it for a second. Kyo had never told anyone why he'd gone crazy in Demitri's suite last year, but now, looking at him, things made a bit more sense. He wasn't anxious to fight Demitri again, but maybe he could keep Kyo from getting himself killed. "Fine. Let me stop by my room first, and then we'll get out of here."

"No problem."

Athena was still chattering away at Kyo as the four of them left the Arena. Ryo looked back and shrugged, then yelled, "I'll talk to you later!" over the noise of the crowd.

She nodded, and turned back to the ring.

The Ring

Hsien-Ko finally fell down as Sie connected a Ryugakusai with her face. He wiped blood off his lip and suddenly, musically, he heard Athena yelling his name from the stands. Would this be the moment? Would she finally, finally drop Ryo like a live grenade and turn to him, Kensou, her one true love?

No. It wouldn't be. She was gazing after Ryo and Kyo as they left the stands, and only then turned back to the ring. She smiled prettily and waved when she saw him looking.

Sie felt himself turning red. He wasn't sure what happened after that, but he didn't see Hsien-Ko anywhere. That was because he had blasted her into Hell Night, where she was dodging bullets from all three investigators.

Ryu absently watched the stuffed bear fall out of the ring, then turned back to a fascinating conversation he was having with a rabbit. "How are you speaking to me? Rabbits are not, to the best of my knowledge, typically fluent in English."

"Ryu. It is me. Chun Li. From the Street Fighter tournament. I am not a rabbit. Do you understand me?" Chun Li grabbed Ryu by the shoulders and shook him. "Damn it, listen to me!"

"Please let go," Ryu said earnestly. "I do not wish to enter a fight with a rabbit. It would not be fair."

Chun Li scowled. "What's wrong with you? Did Bison fry your brain at some point?"

Ryu looked at her, and without warning, started to laugh.

The audience went, for the most part, silent, and some of the fights nearby died down as people glanced over in amusement. Whatever Ryu had found funny was driving him to his knees. Tears ran down the Shotokan's face as he rolled around on the floor, laughing hysterically. He could barely breathe.

As he rolled on the floor, King ran up. "Has he gone crazy?"

Chun Li glared at her. "No. He's drugged, I think."

"Then we'd better get him out of here. He's a danger to himself and others like this." King started to pick Ryu up.

Chun Li pulled her off Ryu, who was gasping for breath between laughs. "Put him down."

King slapped her hands away. "What's the problem?"

"I said, put him down."

"Look, if he's been drugged--"

"You're just looking for an elimination!"

"No! Look, if you want to--"

Chun Li was tired, confused, hurt, and angry. She Kikokened King in the face in mid-denial, rushing in after her fireball with a barrage of kicks.

Meanwhile, behind them, Ryu got up, wiped the tears from his face, and straightened his gi. He tried to remember why he had been laughing, and couldn't.

Hallway, RumbleDome

Alex was leaning against the wall, contemplating the Space Gem, when the door to the stairwell opened. He hastily put the gem in the pocket of his overalls as Wolverine came in from a nearby stairwell, trailing cigar smoke behind him. His mask was off.

"How ya doin'?" Wolverine said, noticing Alex.

"Fair," Alex replied. "Tough break in the ring."

"Chun Li's a tough broad. There're worse folks to lose to." Wolverine leaned next to Alex, smoking idly.

"Where you headed?" Alex asked.

"Why do you need to know?"

"Just curious." Alex shrugged. "The basement's employees only, and that's where that stairwell goes."

The man leaned against the wall next to him, smoking. "Ya know who Demitri Maximov is, bub?"

"The vampire."

"Right. There's a price on his head, and a lot of people have a grudge against him. I don't blame 'em, after what he did last year."

"What'd he do?"

"Tried to take over the universe." Wolverine took another drag off his cigar.

Alex blinked. "You're pretty casual about it."

"I see a lot of that kind of thing, bub." He exhaled. "Maximov's in the basement, so that's where most folks are goin'. I went down there hopin' to find the vampire, but he's probably three dimensions over by now."

"What's the bounty?"

"Two million dollars American."

Alex's eyes opened. "You serious?"

"Yup."

"Thanks." Alex started walking towards the stairwell.

"You goin' down there alone, bub?"

"Yeah. I have a daughter who's almost college-age."

Wolverine put out the cigar against the sole of his boot. "Good luck."

"Thanks again." Alex opened the door and descended into the basement.

Sub-Basement THX-3112, RumbleDome Hotel

Jacky Bryant crept slowly through the darkness, using his ears more than his eyes. The Power Gem vibrated slightly in his hand.

Suddenly, off behind him and to his left, there was a flash. Jacky instantly hugged the nearest wall and peeked towards the light, which appeared to be coming from the end of a staff. He recognized the man holding it, and held his breath.

"Well? Where is he?" Jacky couldn't see the speaker.

"Patience, Master Big. There is a strange dweomer about this basement."

"What the hell are you talking about?"

"This basement, last year, was used as the focus for a very powerful ritual, Master Big. You may have heard of it, as its focus was Ryo Sakazaki." Big grunted in response. Smoothly, the man with the staff continued. "Even after this much time has passed, the basements still hold a certain resonance of that ritual, making certain spells more difficult to cast. One of those spells is the one I am using to find your Gem for you."

"You'd better get to work, then." Jacky could hear the soft "thap" sound of a stick being pounded into an open hand.

"One thing I do wish to mention, Master Big... there is another Gem down here. I believe it is the gem governing affairs of the mind."

"Where?" Big said.

"Approximately three hundred feet in that direction. It appears to be stationary at the moment."

Big was silent for a moment.

Jacky suddenly became devoutly religious. Please split up. Please split up. Please split up.

"Billy, take Jack and Mickey and get me that Gem. Hawk, Blood, and I can find the man we're after. Stellarex, go with them."

"Very well, sir." The source of the light moved away.

Jacky let out a brief exhalation, slipped off down a hallway, and walked directly into a pair of glowing red eyes.

He had time to say, "Oh, sh--" before he was slammed into the wall behind him. The world went gray and slow. He felt the brush of a cape against his cheek as his attacker slipped away, and was vaguely aware that he was no longer holding the Power Gem.

Why me? Jacky wondered, and then passed out.

Room 1237, RumbleDome Hotel

DeImOs.

Deimos looked up, irritated. What do you want, Asmodeus? Sabertooth and the Executioner had been brought back to his quarters by Balok and Balthazaar. Sabertooth's head had a strangely concave look to it, and the Executioner bore a massive sword wound in his midsection. Neither of them were conscious. Deimos was thus in a worse mood than usual.

GaThEr YoUr WaRrIoRs. SaKaZaKi Is VuLnErAbLe.

"Where is he?"

He ApPrOaChEs ThE sUbBaSeMeNtS--tHe DuNgEoNs--Of ThIs PlAcE tO dO bAtTlE wItH mAxImOv. kIlL oR cApTuRe HiM, cApTuRe MaXiMoV, aNd SlAy ThEiR aLlIeS. i ShAlL sEe To GaThErInG mCwIlD mYsElF.

Very well. Deimos deliberately broke contact with Asmodeus, getting a flash of the demon lord's displeasure as he did.

He would capture Sakazaki and Maximov. That was not a problem; men of this century were soft and weak, and seldom carried weapons. However, their souls were worth major boons to the lords of Hell, of which Asmodeus was but one, and it did not matter who presented them.

We shall see how well you give orders when your body lies broken in my hands, Asmodeus, Deimos thought to himself. "Warriors! We march!"

Dregan stood immediately. "Where, sire?"

"The dungeons of this place. You have only a few moments to prepare."

The Ring

Chun Li elbow-slammed King into the ground with a heavy thud. Neither of them quite remembered why they were fighting, but they were both too angry to break things off now.

King flipped herself backward as she rose, avoiding Chun Li's Lightning Kick, and fired off a Double Strike. The projectiles missed by a country mile--although, across the ring, they gave the Silver Samurai something to do other than pound on Rimururu--but in dodging them, Chun Li had left herself open.

"TRAP SHOT!"

Chun Li, winding up to blast King and everything within ten yards of her into a funny smell, was caught in the face and thrown backward into the "ropes" by King's attack. She stumbled out a moment later and received another Trap Shot, knocking her into the "ropes" again.

The Silver Samurai, meanwhile, was beating Rimururu silly. His sword was aflame, and he countered every attack of Rimururu's with a double-handed sweep, blasting mirrors and icebergs into clouds of fog. Konril was whimpering to itself behind her, and she parried his attacks as best she could with her long knife.

Finally, the Samurai hooked her legs from underneath her with the blunt edge of his blade and raised his sword into the air. Rimururu raised her knife to parry, not sure if she could make it.

Then Torgo ambled over to them. "Are ye troublin' a woman again, lad?"

The Samurai looked down. "Stay out of this."

"Oh, suren I won't." Torgo wound up and swung, hitting the Samurai square in the shin. As the Samurai's leg buckled, Torgo slammed his hammer into the Samurai's sternum, knocking the wind out of him. He turned to Rimururu. "Are ye hurt, lass?"

"No... I'm fine. You're awfully short, aren't you?" Rimururu studied him intently, trying to figure out what to do.

"I'm a dwarf. It happens." Torgo spat. "We'd best be away. The shiny one here will be breathin' again in a bit."

Rimururu nodded. "Could you help me get out of the ring, then? I'll let you eliminate me and everything."

Torgo blinked. "Why would ye want to do that, then?"

Rimururu looked around hesitantly. Trying to remember anything she'd ever heard about dwarves, she made a decision. "Well, you see..."

As Rimururu told Torgo what she knew, King got bored and Tornado Kicked Chun Li out of the ring and into Super Dodge Ball.

As Chun Li stood, a medicine ball bounced off her head.

She turned around. "Who did that?"

Sam, the leader of the American team, swallowed hard and pointed across the court, to the Russian team. "Um... they did."

"You lie, American dog!"

"SHUT UP!" Chun Li took off after the Russian team, murder on her mind, and they scattered.

Back in the ring, King dusted herself off and looked around. The Reality Gem hummed quietly to herself in the pocket of her trousers, reminding her of Jan. Other than the Gem she herself had, she had no way of knowing how many Gems were left in the ring, Geese wanted all six, and the Power and Mind Gems were long gone. She didn't know what to do next.

"Miss?"

Captain America walked up to King.

"What do you want?"

"To talk to you about these." Cap pulled the Soul Gem out of his glove and held it up. "I know you've got the Reality Gem. I need you to throw it out of the ring."

King looked at him like he'd gone insane.

"It occurred to me a moment ago that this is the perfect opportunity to split up the Infinity Gauntlet forever," Cap continued quickly. "If we can put even one Infinity Gem into a random dimension, that would effectively remove the possibility of the Gauntlet ever being reunited. I know you're not familiar with what I'm talking about, but you fought Thanos." He looked grim. "No one needs to have that kind of power."

"I can't do that," King said quietly.

Cap didn't have an obvious reaction. "Why is that, miss?"

"I... can't. All right? I just can't." Before she could think better of it, King jumped into the Surprise Rose. Cap, who wasn't expecting her to attack, blocked it easily, but lost his grip on the Soul Gem as he did. Before she ran off, King scooped the Soul Gem off the mat and ran.

Cap frowned. There was something going on here, and he wasn't sure he liked the implications. He chased after King.

Skybox Seats, RumbleDome

"And this," Matrix growled, opening a roll of duct tape, "is why we do not let Death touch booze."

The personification of entropy, and the eventual fate of all living things, was sprawled under the coffee table in a puddle of tequila. For someone who didn't theoretically have a digestive system, he was doing a marvelous imitation of someone who was dead drunk. No one wanted to risk asking him to fix up the Time Killers' various severed body parts, which was why Matrix was putting Orion back together herself.

"Ow!" Orion protested. "Not so tight!"

"I'm not fixing your glasses, idiot, I'm reattaching your head. I'll be as tight as I damn well want." Matrix used up the whole roll of duct tape and threw the cardboard tube into the corner.

Orion got up, moved his head around a little bit, and sat back down, munching on corn chips. The skybox looked like a junkyard, with broken bottles and mysterious stains covering almost every exposed surface. The inhabitants of the next box over--Takuma Sakazaki, Heidern, and Saishu Kusanagi--kept glaring at them through their shared window.

Matrix slumped into the sofa she'd commandeered, and sighed. "I wish Rancid was here."

"Why's that, fair one?" Wulf asked. The knight was, for a Time Killer, being moderately polite. For one thing, he was drinking from a glass, rather than directly from a bottle, and for another, he wasn't totally blasted and hitting on Mantazz.

"Because he's the only one of you retards that can make me laugh." She frowned. "He's been gone an awfully long time. I hope he didn't pick a fight with Ken again."

"Even if he hath encountered misfortune, lady, our patron and benefactor, of a sort, Sir Death, can--ah, yes. I forgot." Wulf prodded Death with his foot. Death didn't move.

Matrix sighed again. "That's part of what I mean, yeah." She picked up her lightsaber. "I'm gonna go and--"

The door crashed open. The Time Killers, those who were capable, reacted with the trained reflexes of people who've been steadily drinking for the last forty-five minutes. Orion hadn't been, but he turned too fast, the tape bent, and his head fell off again.

When the creature shambled through the door, only Matrix was able to face it.

It was about nine feet tall, built like a brick wall, and glowed a faint neon green. Its fists were the size of canned hams, and what little hair it had was bound into a scraggly ponytail. It had a faint scar on its forehead shaped like a--

"...'Cid?" Matrix whispered.

"Help... me..." Rancid gurgled, and fell over in a dead faint.

Room 1999, RumbleDome Hotel

Everything in the suite was big.

It had a big bed, big chairs, big doors, big--ahem--facilities, and so on. The walls, ceiling, and furniture were reinforced with Adamantium and subatomic magnetic fields, rendering them completely indestructible by anything short of a fine-beam particle laser or Magneto.

Cain Marko, known to insurance salesmen throughout the universe as an act of God and to everyone else as the Juggernaut, was sitting in one of those big chairs putting on his uniform. He appreciated the room greatly. The television in front of him was blaring, and he smiled as, on it, Captain America nearly got his head blown off by a Chokyudan as he jogged after King.

"Yes, that was most entertaining, was it not?"

Cain slammed the helmet of his uniform onto his head and turned around. Demitri Maximov was calmly standing against the far wall with his arms folded behind his back.

"What do you want, bloodsucker? I'm warning you, your tricks won't work on me." The Juggernaut reached up and knocked on his helmet. "I'm telepath-proof," he boasted.

"I know that. I am quite familiar with the compound of which your helmet is manufactured. A peasant tried to slay me in 1582 with a stake made of that material. He was much braver than was healthy." Demitri looked up--and up, and up--as the Juggernaut stood. "I have only come to bring you a warning, Marko."

"Make it quick."

Demitri cleared his throat. "It has reached my attention that you are the enemy of a creature called Cyttorak. I wish to inform you that Cyttorak is the ally of a demon present at this sporting event. His name is Asmodeus. I do not know what they intend towards you, if anything, but I felt it only polite and prudent to inform you of this."

The Juggernaut went quiet at the mention of Cyttorak. "Where is he?"

"I can show you exactly where Asmodeus is, if you like."

"Do it."

"It would be my pleasure, Mr. Marko."

Demitri did not smile. He had too much on the line to smile.

Sub-Basement Entryway, RumbleDome Hotel

"So, Sakazaki," Kyo said by way of conversation, "how's it working out with you and Athena?"

"She's a sweet girl," Ryo replied, somewhat hesitantly. "It's kind of hard to get to see her sometimes, but I manage."

"I can imagine, kid. If I was dating her, I'd find it hard to see her too," Benimaru said. "She's a cutie, but her hair is so 1987, and that necklace? I swear, it's not jewelry, it's a blunt weapon she doesn't know how to use. Very disco."

"Beni, you're doing that thing where you open your mouth and sound comes out. I told you to stop that," Kyo said in mock disgust.

"You're such a he, Kyo."

Goro walked alongside Kyo and said nothing. He was very good at it.

The four of them made their way into the sub-basements via the most remote stairwell of the building, which was located at the far end of the RumbleDome. Their feet actually kicked up dust as they forced a fire door and descended. From far off, they could hear the now-illegible echoes of voices and shouts.

There was a sharp crack, and all four of them hit the floor and covered their heads. A moment later, Kyo, a small fire burning in his hand for light, stood up. "Echo. It was only an echo."

"A gunshot," Goro rumbled. "Maybe a few hundred feet away."

"Oh, good," Ryo muttered. "Ricochets on top of everything--"

"Shh," Benimaru whispered. He cautiously sniffed the air. "Does anyone else smell rust?"

"Yeah, I do," Kyo replied, just as softly. "Real close by..." The flame he held grew brighter, and they could now al see down the hallway, albeit dimly. Even that dim light, though, reflected brightly off of well-cared for weapons and armor.

"AMBUSH!" Ryo yelled. As he yelled, he slammed his newly-short-ranged Kohken into the face of the nearest ambusher. Whatever it was let out a high-pitched squeak and toppled, dropping a pair of scimitars.

"Get them, you fools!" a man in bloody plate armor yelled. "A thousand gold to whomever takes their lives!"

Ryo ducked underneath an axe swipe and kicked its wielder in the face. To his left and right, Kyo and Goro grabbed the oncoming swordsmen and threw them back down the hallway; in front of him, a man in full plate armor was discovering the magical world of conducting electricity, courtesy of Benimaru.

They were doing well, but they were outnumbered two to one, and unarmed.

"Why me?" he muttered.

The Ring

Iori Yagami was about to die.

He was wounded, but the fires burning in his blood weren't allowing him to feel it. That was fortunate, because he needed every bit of speed he had to stay ahead of Ichiro Tsunami's katana. The man was ruthless, and only rapid improvisation had kept Iori alive for this long.

As Ichiro wound up for another assault, luck intervened on Iori's side. Ryu walked between them, caught Ichiro's sword between his hands, and Hurricane Kicked the ronin to the mat.

Ryu looked at the sword he now held and dropped it. "You should not play with such things. You do not have thumbs." With that, he wandered away.

Ichiro snatched his sword back up. "Now, then. You were about to--" Abruptly, Ichiro stopped and held a hand to his ear. "My lord?"

Iori backed away slowly. The swordsman was skilled and insane.

Room 1900, RumbleDome Hotel

The architect would have never recognized what Victor von Doom had done to the penthouse apartment of his hotel. Within a day, Doom had ripped the room apart and redesigned it according to his specifications. It was now a laboratory, mystic sanctum, and communications center in one, powered by a minature cold fusion generator and containing wonders of technology that would have made Stephen Hawking enter a monastery. Doom found it barely adequate.

At the moment, Doom was enraged. His monitors showed the bedlam currently taking place in Sub-Basement 37C, as well as a number of other incidents that had broken out across the RumbleDome. While Kusanagi was handily disposing of his assailants, the possibility of a fatal incident was too great. He could not take a hand directly, lest he reveal his plans too soon, but that was why he had agents.

"Yes, it is I," Doom replied to Ichiro. It had been wise to equip the ronin with a minature transceiver. "Leave the ring. Kusanagi is in danger."

Ichiro, on another of Doom's monitors, could be seen to nod. "Immediately."

"I shall inform you of where you shall go en route." Doom stood and began picking out various components for his armor.

The Ring

Iori let out a breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding as Ichiro turned around and ran at Ryu without, seemingly, regard for his own safety. He was rewarded with a Dragon Punch, which sent Ichiro flying out of the ring like an amateur rocket.

Ichiro landed in Jeffry McWild's stage. With a stoic expression, he sat, set his sword across his knees, and waited out the fifteen minutes.

Meanwhile, the Silver Samurai got up to see Mitsurugi looking down on him. "What do you want?"

"A moment of your time, warrior."

The Samurai let his sword's point drop for a moment. "No more."

"Why do you allow a single word to break your concentration?" Mitsurugi's face was open and honest, if still angry (this was the man who'd cost him Soul Edge, after all). "You are, while one of the strangest men I have ever fought, one of the better swordsmen. Such things are beneath a warrior of your stature."

The Samurai's jaw dropped. "So... you're saying I don't suck?"

Mitsurugi thought this over. "If that means what I believe it does, then, indeed, you do not."

"Thank you, Mitsurugi-san. This means a great deal to me."

"It was my pleasure."

"Now, let us fight as equals."

"Let's."

"Well, there goes that hook," Wanderer muttered from the booth.

"It was getting a little old anyway," Birdman replied. "Why have you been so quiet?"

"Probably sugar deficiency," Wanderer decided. "I go now to rob a vending machine."

"Have fun," Birdman said.

Back in the ring, the Silver Samurai and Mitsurugi clashed blades again. The resulting display of swordsmanship was masterful, displaying both men's styles to their fullest extent, and lasted all too short a time. As Mitsurugi gained the edge in the match, he slowly began to take the Samurai's defenses apart. Shards of silver plate rained onto the mat as Mitsurugi skillfully carved bits and chunks from his opponent, slowly forcing the Samurai closer to the edge of the ring.

So the Samurai cheated.

He thrust his sword straight up and unleashed a blast of pure electricity, leveling the ring around him. Iori, who was in sorry shape anyway, was hit dead on and collapsed, Captain America barely blocked in time, and Ryu was hit by the lightning's edge ("Wait. Automobiles do not typically carry zucchini like that--" *gizzat*). Mitsurugi, who had no idea what the hell was happening, was propelled into the air and away from the Samurai.

As Mitsurugi fell, he noted he was falling straight towards Dudley, and decided on the spot that he would never, ever tell another warrior they were skilled again.

D! pointed behind him. "Flying samurai."

"It's my turn, then?"

"Yup."

Dudley turned around, knocked Mitsurugi out of the ring with a right cross, and turned back to D! "What is the world coming to?"

"Couldn't tell you."

Mitsurugi landed in NFL Blitz '99, gracefully tumbling to his feet. Seeing hostile men in strange armor all around him, he waded into them with broad, sweeping slashes of his katana. Unheeded, the football fell to the now-bloody grass.

"Think that'll result in a foul for unnecessary roughness?" Wanderer asked.

"Probably another lawsuit." Birdman sighed.

Meanwhile, a conversation came to an end.

"...and so I have to find Nakoruru, because she's an actual hero, and if she doesn't find out, Guy might die!" Rimururu had told the whole story to Torgo in one sentence, and thus started hyperventilating.

"Aye, you've got problems," Torgo said sympathetically.

Rimururu nodded, trying to breathe.

"I'll tell ye what, lass... why don't ye throw me out of this ring, and I'll try to find your sister?"

"Really? But I have to--"

"Lass, we all signed contracts. If ye jump out of the ring, they'll probably chase ye down because they'll suspect ye of rigging the competition. I'm only in this for the time away from home--" Torgo spat, "--in any case."

Rimururu shrugged. "If you don't mind..."

"Not at all, lass. Go ahead."

"Okay! Look for my friends Lion and Yoshimitsu, too! Tell them I sent you!" Rimururu picked Torgo up and tossed the dwarf (Time Gem and all, although she didn't know that) over the "ropes".

Torgo landed in Final Fight.

As he picked himself up, Andore walked up to him. "Heh. Nice outfit, shorty."

"GIANT!" Torgo hammered Andore in the groin. As Andore fell down, Torgo turned to the other Mad Gear members standing nearby. "Do any of the rest of ye need a beatin'?"

The Mad Gear ran.

SILLY MATCHUP:
QUAKE 2 makes a man out of EDDY GORDO (T3), 41 to 27, with 3 abstentions.

ELIMINATIONS: D!: 2. Cap, Ryu, Samurai, Dudley, Rimururu, Iori, Sie, King, Chun: 1.

CURRENT ELIMINATIONS LEADERS: King 6, Captain America 5, Chun Li 5, Ryu 3, Heavy D! 3, Iori Yagami 2.

CURRENT ELIMINATIONS LEADERS (LIFETIME, ALL UVRs): Haohmaru 35, Chun Li 18, Guy 17, Morrigan 12, King 12, Ryu 11.

WELL, THAT'S ONE WAY IT COULD'VE WORKED: "Eddy Gordo remembers that little tab of paper in his back pocket with the purple martian on it, and licks it. He then hallucinates hearing some vintage 1976 funk and morphs into 'Tiger' mode. Using the funky jinga to boost his capoeria, he opens a can of whup ass on everything in sight, no weapons required. All the Quake skins are replaced with giant yellow smiley faces. 'Doom is so retro,' contemplates Eddy."

IT HAD TO HAPPEN SOMETIME: "SIE KENSOU (KOF96) DIE 'Oh my God - he eliminated Lilith! THAT BASTARD!!!!'"

A SIDENOTE: Just about everyone who voted for Eddy Gordo did so to spite the other voters. I find this interesting.

HEY, NOT BAD: Four KOFers entered the Section, and four KOFers survived it.

PROPS TO: James Howard, the Multimediocre Knight, for providing the inspiration for Gill's elimination.

See you next round!

The Guy Who Gets All The Weird E-Mail:
Thomas "Wanderer" Wilde

The Quiet Co-Plotter:
Christopher "Birdman" Bird

The Man with the Mechs:
Isaac "Mimic" Sher

The World Wide Workaholic:
Scott "Silverbolt" Archer