UVR3

The Ring

None of the War Gods had lasted longer than about thirty seconds (Anubis had set the record) upon their entrance into the Rumble ring. Certain unsavory elements had a standing bet going as to whether Tak would better, or worsen that time.

Within two seconds of its entry, Juggernaut, slightly annoyed, punched Tak in the chest. The tape holding it together shredded, and Tak effectively exploded. A half-dozen nodes were bombarded by a sudden shower of pieces of Tak, their inhabitants scrambl ing for cover. The bookies went nuts.

As it happened, though, Tak was about fifty times as effective as a hail of flying shards of stone than it ever was as a fighter. The next few minutes were an exercise in watching a chain reaction, beginning with Rogue. She wasn't in the least bothered b y the storm of shrapnel, but Choi Bounge, carving ragged tears into her uniform, was.

A large boulder that had started its life as Tak's chest slammed into his head, knocking him out of a Monkey Slash and getting him off Rogue's shoulders. Choi scrambled in mid-air and launched himself right back at Rogue, his claws flashing.

Captain America's hand fastened onto the back of his neck. Spinning him around, Cap turned Choi's dive into a headlong flailing toss, right into Rogue's fist. If not for the forcefield around the ring, Choi would've wound up in the nosebleed seats; inste ad, he slowly slid down through the dimensional field. Like Gen-An Shiranui before him, he landed in Freddy's Revenge. Freddy Kreuger himself, to say the least, was not amused at all.

Rogue looked down, turned red, and zipped up her jacket. "Little creep!"

"Are you all right?" Cap asked.

"My modesty's shot to hell, but Ah'm fine. What's our next move?"

Cap looked over Rogue's shoulder and knocked her out of the way, catching the Juggernaut's fist on his shield. As he cartwheeled to the Juggernaut's other side, he said, calmly, "We stay alive. Everything else comes afterward."

"Tough talk, twerp!" The Juggernaut kicked out, missing Cap but slamming Rogue (who, by now, had decided it just wasn't her day) into the turnbuckle that Hornet had dented earlier. She hit directly at the point where the metal was weakest, bending it at a right angle and turning the electrical arc into a crosseyed flash of electrical current. (Up in the command booth, Birdman let out a stream of profanity that blistered paint across the multiverse.)

A minute earlier, Hornet had come screeching around Ryu and Akuma, applying the e-brake and fishtailing aside from a stray Hadoken, only to notice the Blob. As it watched, the Blob assumed the shape of a car and dashed after Elena, cackling maniacally.

Clearly, this was a challenge to Hornet's superiority.

It shifted into overdrive and shot across the ring, aiming for the Blob's back bumper.

The Blob, however, saw it coming, and did one very simple thing; it turned into a ramp. Hornet, who had managed to go from zero to seventy in about two seconds, wasn't able to apply the brakes or swerve in time; at best, it managed a controlled dive, sli ding off of the ramp on its right two tires and half-wheeling halfway across the ring. Hanzo teleported out of the way, Dan jumped over it while taunting, and Quan Chi was run down like a dog in the streets, falling to the mat with a tire track running th e length of his body.

As Hornet drove by, Heavy D! faked to the left and dodged around Hell Knight, whose twin axes were getting harder to avoid, and drove forward in an R.S.D. Hornet was still going around fifty miles an hour, and was off-balance; D! hit it cleanly, but near ly broke his wrist. For the second time, Hornet rolled into the air, but this time, no one was fool enough to stand in its way, voluntarily or otherwise. As it spun upward, it bounced off of Hell Knight's head, gaining more height and nearly decapitating the demon.

Had it happened a moment later, Hornet would have "harmlessly" struck the "ropes" and bounced back into the ring; now, with the damaged turnbuckle, it fell through the dimensional field and into Mario Kart 64, scattering other race cars left and right. M ario fell out of his car and his overalls caught on the door handle; the plumber was dragged behind his car for a good two hundred yards. While Bowser laughed at him, Hornet caught up to Bowser, rear-ending him with spectacular results. Bowser did not go flying so much as rocketing out of his car, the car itself crushing into steel origami.

In the ring, Rogue barely noticed Hornet fly overhead, as she was pummeling the Juggernaut in the back of the head. The Juggernaut, trying to swat Captain America, didn't even flinch.

Room 678, RumbleDome Hotel

The room smelled of exotic perfume and faint expensive cigarettes when Iori let himself in. Neither Vice or Mature were dressed yet, and both were huddled under the covers of the bed. Their draws were ridiculously late, so they could afford to be letharg ic.

"Shouldn't you two be in the waiting rooms?" he said, moving further into the room.

"No. Boring," Mature said, rising to her knees. She stretched slowly, her muscles popping.

"They tried. We didn't listen." Vice was the one smoking. One burned in her hand, forgotten, and she stubbed it out in a nearby ashtray. "You want to play?"

Iori shook his head. It took willpower to do so. "Get dressed."

"We don't have to leave for a long time. Why should we?"

"Still bored..." Mature said ominously. She slid down the length of the bed like a tiger, looking up at Iori from under her bangs. Her eyes smoldered.

Iori deliberately looked away, pretending to look at his reflection in the mirror above the dresser. "I've got some deals to make. You can stand with me, 'ladies', or you can stand against me. Make your choice."

Vice and Mature looked at each other, slowly, then back at him. As usual, Iori felt, with the two of them, like he was out of some kind of loop; they communicated on levels beyond the conscious, like identical twins.

Mature spoke first. "Well, isn't that... interesting."

"We'll be ready in a second. Maybe."

Iori turned to take a cigarette from the pack on the nightstand. As he did so, lighting it with a violet flame from his fingers, he missed Vice and Mature dressing quickly, their expressions those of interest, and not just a little bit of fear.

As well, he still didn't see the sigil on his sleeve, glowing faintly, but still invisible in the fading daylight.

Sub-Basements, RumbleDome Hotel

Blackheart snarled, lighting up the corridor with another fusillade of lightning. Static electricity danced around his mane like St. Elmo's fire, but he hit nothing. All he did was illuminate, for a brief second, another flash of movement. As Blackheart turned towards it, both his legs were kicked out from under him.

The sound of bare feet on concrete was close by. Blackheart lashed out from the floor, his spines extending like a forest of spears, and once more, missed. The next thing he saw was light, as Ryo Sakazaki blew it backward with a HaohShoKohken. Blackheart smashed into the wall and fell on his face. He didn't get up.

Ryo lowered his hands, blinking the afterimages of his fireball away, and felt a breeze at his back. He let his legs drop out from under him, and he fell to his elbows and knees just before Jedah's claws would have torn the back of his skull open.

"Where the hell are you, Maximov?!" Ryo yelled into the dark, throwing himself into a backwards roll. He could feel a shallow breeze on his exposed skin, and knew it to be Jedah's claws, just missing once more. The electrical burns Blackheart had left o n him throbbed faintly, and he nearly fell.

"He's deserted you, Sakazaki, and left you to die." Jedah's voice came from somewhere off to Ryo's left, but his next attack came from the right. Something speared into Ryo's side, and he dropped to one knee, clutching at the new wound. "Which you will."

Ryo stood again, opening his fist. The Power Gem shone suddenly, flickering like a strobe light before beginning to fade away. Preternatural strength ran down his arm into his body, and the wound in his side seemed to fade away.

The flash blinded Jedah, who started flying backward, putting space between him and Ryo, but not quite enough; Ryo, seeing only by the light of the rapidly disappearing Power Gem, spun on his heel and kicked out, making contact with the side of Jedah's h ead. Jedah promptly got his wish, and was knocked into the wall. Both wings crumpled against his back like tinfoil, and he fell forward onto his face.

Ryo tore off a chunk of his gi and held the cloth against his wound. He felt slightly funky, just as he'd felt when he had been empowered last year, but the sensation was rapidly disappearing. The Power Gem was just a slowly fading glow now, vanishing in to thin air. As Ryo looked around, Jedah and Demitri had done the same thing; neither were anywhere in sight.

Suddenly, a voice resounded throughout the basement corridors. "RYO SAKAZAKI, PLEASE REPORT TO THE READY ROOM. REPEAT, RYO SAKAZAKI, PLEASE REPORT. YOU ENTER THE RING SHORTLY."

Ryo muttered some choice obscenities, checked the map on the wall by the last of the Gem's light, and ran off. Jedah and Demitri would have to wait.

***

As Ryo disappeared from view, Demitri Maximov reappeared from the shadows. As he'd hoped, Sakazaki had been able to dispose of both demons with minimal assistance, although he'd had to use the Gem. He knelt and dipped a finger in a spot of Ryo's blood, s avoring the smell and texture.

The Mace, he reasoned, was useless. He should have known; an artifact that drew its strength from Hell would not grant power to one who was a known enemy of the netherworld. In a mortal's hands, the Mace of Tanis granted virtual omnipotence; in a demon's , it was a mighty weapon in its own right. For Demitri, it was a handy bludgeon, and nothing more.

Demitri put his finger in his mouth contemplatively. The assassins after his head were a trifle; he could dispose of them with little effort. The demons, on the other hand, would require some work to dissuade, and there were other sources of power to con sider.

Finally, Demitri smiled, and vanished. He had some research to do, and pawns to place.

The Ring

Quan Chi held his spiked club out menacingly. "Beware, fool. I wield powers the likes of which your feeble mind cannot begin to imagine!"

Dan, unimpressed, nodded at this. "Then you may be a worthy opponent for me, but watch it. I don't want to have to use my ultimate technique on you."

"Do your worst. I have seen the fires of hell, mortal, and the greatest terrors of the Netherrealm. No man, no god, can frighten me now."

"Then get ready for this!" Dan thrust out his forearm. As he prepared his "Ultimate Technique", fighters across the ring looked his way, watching him intently. Dan was about to do something very dumb, and was going to be punished for it. Some of them pre pared super attacks, while others simply stood and waited for their opening.

Wanderer, up in the control booth, winced. "Here we go."

"This promises to be fun."

With the deliberate slow pace of a master (a master of what is unknown, but a master nonetheless!), Dan rolled backward! He taunted! Forward! He taunted again, oblivious to the storm of projectiles sweeping towards him! As he rolled backwar d again, he didn't notice Quan Chi's eyes widen as all of those missed projectiles (and the Blob, in the shape of a sawblade) struck Quan Chi! Dan taunted, waving his autographed picture in the air! As he jumped, waving his mighty forearm, Guy Bushin Ran straight underneath him at the same time as Bishamon swept forward with his blade extended, the two nearly crashing into each other! Dan landed, right in front of Quan Chi, and cheered!

"You've just seen the Chohatsu Densetsu! There is no stronger technique in all the world!" Dan boasted, waving his forearm yet again. "Do you still believe you can face me?"

Quan Chi, only barely standing, had no answer. Dan, smirking, hit him with a mighty (well, sort of) Koryuken, knocking the sorcerer out of the ring and into the path of a tank in Vindicators. He was ground underneath the treads, leaving a long red smear the length of the level.

Shao Kahn, from his seat in the "Hey, aren't they supposed to be dead?" skybox (which he shared with Rugal Blacknoah and Charlie), laughed heartily and shouted, "FATALITY!"

Rugal glared at him. "Stop doing that."

"Do not attempt to command me, fool. I am Shao--"

Rugal threw him out the window. Kahn hit the dimensional field, landed in Killer Instinct 2, and fell off the side of Spinal's pirate ship. The sharks were more than happy to provide him with entertainment.

Dan turned around, clapping his fists together, and noted that Guy and Bishamon were fighting behind him. Guy seemed much younger than Dan remembered, but that had never stopped him before; bravely, he marched forward into the midst of the fray. Moments later, as he was picking himself up off the mat, Yuri ran over to him. "Dan, are you...?"

"I'm fine! It's just a scratch... well, a bunch of scratches. I've had far, far worse, though."

"Really?"

"You have no idea."

"Good. If you're all right, then I need to ask you a question."

"Is it about the end of the universe again?"

"No."

"Phew."

Captain America noticed them talking, and hoped that the girl had good judgement. While he considered this, he ducked underneath another of Juggernaut's roundhouse swings. Marko was drawing fire from half the ring, but ignored it. Cap's stubborn refusal to die was infuriating him beyond conscious thought.

Cap dove to the side as the Juggernaut's foot crashed down where he'd just been, and noted a man in a robe holding a gun. Without really thinking, he flung his shield, disarming the robed man, and rolled to his feet. The Juggernaut swung again, but Rogue was suddenly there, catching his fist and using his momentum to toss him almost all the way across the ring. The impact, when he landed, shook the foundations of the RumbleDome.

Stellarex, whose gun had just been knocked from his hand, dove for it, but Red Cloud's foot came down on his hand. As Stellarex looked up, Red Cloud clocked him in the face with the end of his staff and, on the backswing, sent the gun spinning off the ed ge of the mat. (It fell into Dee Jay's stage. With a grimace, Dee Jay picked it up and tossed it into the ocean.)

"You will pay for that," Stellarex said through gritted teeth. "Look down."

Red Cloud noticed two things as he turned around; one was that Stellarex had pulled himself into a kneeling position, and his staff was rotating in the air in front of him. The other was that he'd traced an intricate pattern of explosive runes right wher e Red Cloud was standing. He handsprung away as they detonated, barely evading the shockwave, but flying head over heels anyway.

Red Cloud crashed into Bishamon's back. The samurai, raising his sword to cut Guy in half, was thrown off-balance for a critical second; Guy flipkicked off his chest, gaining some much-needed space.

Bishamon reoriented himself and swung again, this time at Red Cloud, who caught the sword blow on his staff and reached out with his hand. When he touched Bishamon's armor, magic surged, and a fireball blossomed on Bishamon's chest. The Samurai was throw n away, his breastplate glowing cherry red.

Someone tapped on Red Cloud's shoulder. "Excuse me, but no one invited you."

Guy ducked a staff swipe, blocked Red Cloud's hand strike, and grabbed the mage by the shoulders. The next thing Red Cloud saw was a mob of skeletons in Gauntlet Legends. The mage plunged into the middle of them, his staff flailing, and disposed of them in seconds.

He stood up, shaking bone shards off his clothing, and stared into the empty eye sockets of a fresh army of the undead, holding rusty swords in their hands, and more appearing from the monster generators. Grimly, Red Cloud backed off, fleeing deeper into the maze.

Sub-Basements, RumbleDome Hotel

Ibuki, hugging the floor, kept thinking of waterfalls. The constant barrage of gunfire cutting the air above her sounded much like the roar of water plunging towards the ground.

B.B. Hood, an Uzi in either hand, marched down the hallway legs akimbo, practicing the oft-practiced but seldom-mastered technique of accuracy by volume. She left a trail of empty guns behind her as she walked, discarding them in favor of new ones from h er picnic basket. Her dog frisked happily along at her heels, either being very loyal or hiding behind her, one of the two. She didn't even notice Ibuki and Kyo as she walked by, her full attention devoted to cutting Vermilion in half.

Ibuki could see Vermilion from where she lay, who didn't look good. He'd caught a couple of bullets in the left arm at some point, and was reloading his shotgun one-handed. His pistol lay on the ground nearby, its chamber open and empty.

As Hood drew closer, Vermilion threw himself out into the hallway, rolling to one knee with his shotgun up. He fired--at a target who was already prone. Calmly, Hood rolled an apple towards him, and watched with undisguised delight as he reached out, ref lexively, to catch it.

Ibuki watched the explosion knock Vermilion into the darkness, and an idea struck her. Reaching out, she tapped Kyo on the shoulder, and gestured towards Hood. "Follow me, and don't do anything stupid."

Kyo nodded, and the two of them crawled forward.

Hood stood up, dusting off her dress and hands. "Well! That's one less nasty man to get in the way of my money! Isn't that right, Muffin?"

A profound silence followed. Hood's eyes got very big. "...right?"

"That's right, honey."

Hood whipped around, her Uzis at the ready, to see Ibuki with Hood's dog in her arms and a throwing knife at its throat. Kyo Kusanagi, his fists ablaze, stood next to her. "Don't do anything rash, now," Ibuki said. "Drop those guns, right now, and put yo ur hands on your head, or 'Muffin' here is a Korean entree."

"She'll do it, babe," Kyo said. "I saw her filet a Great Dane just last week. She hates dogs. Can't stand 'em."

"Oh, yeah. Hate dogs," Ibuki said agreeably. "Nasty, smelly things. I drown puppies for fun."

Hood looked at Kyo, her upper lip trembling. "She wouldn't really hurt my doggy, would she?"

Kyo tilted his head and smiled at Hood. "I'd listen to her, babe. She might be crazier than you are."

Ibuki tightened her hold on the dog, who was trying to squirm. "This dog's life means nothing to me, gaijin. Less than nothing."

Hood threw the guns down like they were poisonous snakes. "ALL RIGHT! Just don't hurt my doggie!" She put her hands on top of her head, tears running freely down her cheeks. Hood began to sniffle.

"Good choice," Ibuki said. "Now, I'm going to put the dog--"

Kyo took a step forward and punched Hood out. Hood's eyes slowly rolled back in her head, and she slumped to the floor.

"--down." Ibuki dropped the dog, who ran to his mistress's side. "Kusanagi, what in the hell--"

"She looked like she needed a punch in the face." Kyo rubbed his knuckles and looked at Ibuki. "You know me. Do I know you?"

"I'm Ibuki."

"Nice to meet you. Let's get the hell out of here."

Room 345, RumbleDome Hotel

Wolverine walked into his hotel room, opened a beer, put his feet up, and said, "C'mon out, darlin'."

"Stop doing that." Psylocke, annoyed, appeared from the bathroom.

"Then stop tryin' to sneak up on me." Wolverine took a swig. "Where the hell are the Infinity Gems?"

"Scattered throughout the stadium. I've been trying to find them, but they're apparently changing hands rapidly, and no one knows where they are for long. At least one of them is still in the ring; I think the Japanese girl in the leggings has it." Psylo cke seated herself on the bed, crossing her legs demurely. "I do have some news."

"What's that?"

"A man named Geese Howard has made it his mission in life to get the Gems. I think he's got one now, and he's planning to get them all. He's got the manpower to do it."

"Where'd you find that out?"

"He has a ninja working for him. He's good, but he doesn't know how to telepathically shield himself."

Wolverine tossed the beer can into the corner. "Does Cap know about this?"

"Not yet. Would you like me to tell him?"

"No." He shook his head. "He don't know you're here yet, and I'm keepin' it that way. We might have to get a little too messy for him before this is done, and I ain't got the patience for another one of his speeches on what it means to be a hero."

Psylocke nodded. "Where to?"

"First, we tell 'Roro, LeBeau and Drake what's goin' on. Then, we go find Howard, and tell him to find somethin' else to do."

Room 1657, RumbleDome Hotel

"Enter."

The door opened, and a man came through it. He was Mexican, wearing a T-shirt and jogging pants, with a rubber mask hanging out of one of the pockets. He was looking around suspiciously, as if expecting trouble.

He found it. He came through the hall into the living room, and found himself staring into a technological marvel. The walls and ceiling were covered in chrome and intricately wired, turning electronics into a work of art. The man did not know from compu ters, but the one that had supplanted the west wall of the room was larger than any he'd ever seen, and showed a dozen views from, apparently, elsewhere in the RumbleDome.

The man sitting in front of the computer wore a green cloak and hood over a suit of armor, and was pointing a gun at him. Reflexively, he put his hands up.

"I sent word that I wished to speak to the man known as King," the armored man said, his voice rich with an unidentifiable accent. "You are not he."

"But I am King."

"No, you are not. You are at least ten years too young, perhaps more."

King nodded suddenly, getting it. "Sir, if you want to speak to that King, you are five years too late. He is dead."

The gun disappeared into a holster on the man's belt. "How."

"He was killed by a being calling itself Ogre," King said, anger in his every word. "I am his successor, and I will avenge him."

The man clenched a fist. "Ogre is here."

"He is."

"I am Victor von Doom. I wished to speak to your predecessor so I might repay him." He stood. "Tell me about this 'Ogre', and I will tell you how we shall destroy it."

The Ring

Akuma and Ryu fought alone, in the center of the ring. Anyone who attempted to attack either was quickly dealt with by both men simultaneously, without thinking. They were in a class by themselves, masters of their art, and nothing could stand in their w ay now except each other.

Ryu flung a Hadoken to cover his backward retreat, backing away from Akuma's flurry of standing kicks. Akuma ducked around it and came up with a standing uppercut, attempting to get around Ryu's guard; Ryu, instead, blocked and swept Akuma's leg out from under him.

Akuma, however, had already left the mat. "Shoryuken!"

It was crisp and perfect. With a crack like a home run, Ryu went flying backward, sliding to a halt on the mat. As he rose to his hands and knees, Ryu shook his head, spitting up blood... and his head cleared. Suddenly, reality snapped back into place, a nd what he had thought to be a pancake was actually--

"Aku--gurrk!"

"This is the end, Ryu. You've made your last mistake." Akuma, holding Ryu by the throat, drew back his fist. "Either abandon your art, or die at my hands like your master."

"...never..." Ryu fought for breath. He still felt the residual effects of the drug, making the world around him was a distant and strangely shaded place. He could feel his system throwing it off, but he wouldn't be able to break both its hold and Akuma' s grip in time.

Something hit Akuma in the elbow joint. Convulsively, his hand opened, dropping Ryu to the mat. Captain America caught his shield as it came back and approached Akuma, ready for anything.

"How dare you interfere with my fight?" Akuma growled. "Are you tired of life?"

"No one dies today, friend," Cap said. "I think I've already said that."

Akuma drew back his hands, intending to destroy Cap with the Raging Demon, and wasn't expecting Cap to come running in quite so fast. As he began to dash forward, feeling the Shun Goku Satsu's power well up within him, Akuma was sent reeling backward as Cap slashed across his face with the edge of his shield.

Ryu stood up, watching Cap press his attack, and began to shout out to him. As he did, he noticed something flying at him out of the corner of his eye, and threw himself back down to the mat. Bishamon's sword shrieked across the air above his chest, and the samurai was there to catch it a moment later.

"Nothing personal," Bishamon said.

"I'm sure," Ryu replied, and rolled up to his feet. Bishamon came in low, thrusting, and Ryu hopped just enough to dodge it. As he landed, he stuck out his foot, dropping his heel onto Bishamon's helmet and spinning, bringing the other foot up and kickin g the samurai away. Both feet ached, but Ryu dropped back into his stance and gestured. "Come on."

One of the flames spoke up. "Um... y'know, he did just kick your ass, man. Maybe we should..."

"Shut up! We can take him," the helmet said.

Ryu scratched his head. "Am I outnumbered, then?"

"Sort of," the sword said. "Look, guys, he's standing right there--"

"Shinkuu... HADOKEN!"

The armor yelled in pain as the fireball struck it directly between the "eyes". Bishamon went down in flames.

As the four of them fought, the other fighters in the ring drew in cautiously, hoping to eliminate one of them while they were distracted by each other. The Juggernaut was the first one to start walking over, shoving other fighters out of his way.

Hell Knight stepped in front of him deliberately, and raised its axes. "Ah, yours is a powerful darkness. There is much to feel from within you--"

The Juggernaut picked it up, laughed in its face, and threw it out of the ring in mid-sentence. Hell Knight crashlanded in Peter Jacobson's Golden Tee 3D, putting a massive rent in the green. As it stood up, it looked around, and crumpled in on itself, i ts scales drying to a faded white from sheer boredom.

The next person to step forward was Elena, who vaulted over the Juggernaut and landed on Bishamon's head. Bishamon, who'd been trying to get up, fell back down. "Hi, Ryu!" She waved happily, doing an armless cartwheel off Bishamon.

"Elena, what in the--"

"He's not very nice, you know, bringing a sword to a martial-arts fight. I decided I'd help!" Elena's smile was brighter than the overhead lights. People were blinded.

"That's really very kind of--"

"Why, thanks! I mean, I guess you're my friend, even though all we ever do is beat each other into unconsciousness, so we should try to stick together, right?"

"Elena, perhaps you should--"

"I knew you'd come around!" She smiled again. Ryu shaded his eyes. "So, what would you like to do first, as friends--"

"Duck."

"Well, that doesn't sound very fun, but if--"

Ryu ducked under Bishamon's sword as it came by and slammed a backfist into Bishamon's face as he rose. The flat of the katana knocked Elena into the "ropes". The smell of burning hair began to waft throughout the arena.

Off by himself in an unused corner of the ring, Dan was happily taunting in every direction, since almost no one was really paying any attention to him. This suited Stellarex just fine. He slowly crept up behind Dan and began crafting another set of expl osive runes just behind him. As he finished the inscription, he felt a tap on the shoulder.

Looking up, he saw Hanzo Hattori, who put a finger to his mouth just before grabbing the mage and driving him into the mat headfirst. As Stellarex stood up, trying to remember which end of his staff fired electricity, Hanzo drew his sword and lashed out in a precise series of 14 blows, the last of which sent Stellarex through the dimensional field in a spray of blood.

Stellarex fell into a snowdrift in Star Wars Trilogy. Raising his staff to the sky, he shouted, "I WILL FIND YOU AGAIN, NINJA! I WILL MAKE YOU PAY FOR THIS DEFEAT--" He didn't notice the AT-AT Walker behind him, or the snowspeeder wrapping a cable around its legs, not even when the Walker tipped over and landed on him.

Dan, not noticing any of this, focused his taunting efforts on the Blob. "You! Hey, you! Clay thing!" He brandished an autographed photo. "How'd you like some of this!" He flung it sidelong at the Clay Fighter, spinning it like a Frisbee.

"Howmb daremb youmb tauntmb memb?" The Blob swallowed the picture and burped. "Preparemb tomb diemb!"

"Fat chance! One like you can never defeat the mighty DAN HIBIKI!" Dan paused for a moment, forearm out, and listened to see if, by chance, a heroic tune would play. It didn't.

"Ohmb yeahmb? Watchmb thismb!" The Blob dashed towards Dan with intent to devour.

As Dan raised his arm to taunt again, Hanzo tapped him on the shoulder. Dan turned. "Yes?"

"Why do you boast so much? I have not seen you do anything to deserve such a reputation."

"I boast because that is the secret of Saikyo-ryu!" Dan raised his arm. "To taunt an opponent into submission!" He rolled backward and taunted Hanzo again. "The taunts of my school are among the fiercest known!" He rolled forward and taunted a thi rd time. The Blob shot straight past him and into the "ropes", its eyes bugging out as the voltage surged through its system. "No one can witness this amazing display and not lose his cool!" Dan popped to his feet, taunting yet again, and accidenta lly shoved the Blob off the "ropes" and over the edge of the ring. Dan fell down, his hair standing straight up, at the same time the Blob fell through the dimensional field.

With a splat, the Blob hit a hamburger patty in Burger Time. Moments later, Peter Pepper, chased by two hot dogs and a fried egg, ran over it, causing it to drop to the next level. The Blob was vaguely annoyed.

Hanzo studied Dan as he lay on the mat, sparking occasionally. "'Amazing display'?" he said, faintly amused.

"...ambush... dishonorable... ambush..." Dan fell back down.

Sub-Basements, RumbleDome Hotel

"Any sign of them, Creed?"

Sabertooth looked at Deimos and shook his head. "Someone's been seriously throwin' down around here. Too many smells, mostly gunsmoke. The man you're after could've been through here, he might not've."

Deimos slammed his sword against a handy wall. "Damn you, find them! You are supposed to be a tracker without parallel, Master Creed. Why is it that I have spent this day listening to you making excuses, and prying your head out of a serving tray? "

"Listen, freak, if you want to see how your intestines look, say the word." Sabertooth straightened up to his full height. "You want results? Ditch these losers you've stuck yourself with."

Deimos had to admit that Creed had a point, however begrudgingly. Of his men, only Dregan and Al'Rashid were untouched; the rest were nursing broken bones and electrical burns. Sakazaki's friends had taken their toll, and had still managed to escape into the corridors. "Find Sakazaki or Maximov, Creed. That is all I ask for my gold."

"Oh, I'll find 'em," Sabertooth growled. "Talk that way to me again, though, and you'll be breathin' through a straw."

"Do not make empty threats, Creed," Deimos said.

He would have finished the sentence, but suddenly, Asmodeus' voice cut into his thoughts. DeImOs! I dEmAnD yOuR pReSeNcE! Deimos dropped to one knee, clutching at his head.

"Is there a problem?" Sabertooth said, chuckling. He was amused by this and not bothering to hide it.

"No problem, Creed. Do your task, animal." Deimos straightened up, muttering curses into his helmet. "Dregan! Executioner! Al'Rashid! Follow me." He turned to Creed. "Take these 'losers' you are so fond of, and find me Sakazaki, McWild, or Maximov. If Gu y leaves the ring, find me him. They must be alive. Do you understand?"

"They're as good as yours," Sabertooth said, still smiling unnervingly.

"Then do it," Deimos said, turning away and walking into the basements. "I have another appointment."

Room 354, RumbleDome Hotel

Andy Bogard, in warmup pants, came out of his room and walked towards the gym. For once, he didn't have an early draw, so he could take his time about warming up. He felt good about his chances this year, and didn't intend to let anything get in his way.

He noticed Mai stalking down the corridor towards him, and opened his mouth to say hello. She closed it for him with a vicious uppercut, knocking him flat on his back.

"Mai, what in the--"

"You are a vicious, hateful bastard, Andy! For all this time, I've been thinking you loved me, and you can just sit there with some hussy like it's nothing?!"

"I don't know--"

"The engagement's off, _bakayarou_! So's your training! I'm gonna tell everyone I know what a jerk you are, Andy Bogard, and I'll be surprised if you have a friend left when this gets out! I'm just sorry it took me so long to find you so I could t ell you that!"

"I didn't--"

"Goodbye, Andy!" Mai stormed off.

"But I didn't... Mai, wait!"

She didn't. She disappeared into a stairwell, taking all of the oxygen in the hallway with her.

Andy sat up, rubbing his jaw. "What the hell is going on?" he wondered aloud.

Hallway, RumbleDome Hotel

King didn't waste a second. The moment she got back to the RumbleDome, she made a break for Geese's room, Kasumi in tow, and deliberately avoided the elevators and security cameras.

As she reached Geese's floor, she pulled out the Soul Gem and paused for a moment. "Where the hell is he?"

"Who?"

King grimaced. "I paid this guy to be up here as backup when I came to get Jan. I was hoping I'd run into him, but he's either stood me up or he's waiting in the wings."

"What do you want me to do?" Kasumi asked.

"We're going to walk in, see how many people Geese has, and go from there. If we can, we're going to try to keep him from getting this. If half of what that guy told me about these jewels is true, I don't want to see what Geese would do with them."

Just then, the door opened, and both women immediately tensed up, expecting Geese or one of his flunkies. Instead, Andy Bogard, wearing a blue version of his usual outfit, stepped out and immediately ducked.

"For God's sake, Bogard!"

"What are you doing here, Andy-san?" Kasumi asked.

"Um... I'm... spying on Geese. Why?"

King relaxed. "Actually, I'm glad I ran into you. Geese has my brother."

"He does... he does?" Andy looked shocked. "My God."

"We're going to rescue him, Andy-san," Kasumi said helpfully. "Would you be interested in helping?"

King glared at Kasumi, then back at Andy. "Yeah, what she said."

"Sure, King," Andy said. "Just lead the way."

***

As the two women slowly crept up the stairs and into the hallway, Drew hid a vicious smile.

The Ring

In a cloud of smoke, Elena finally slid off the "ropes". As she stood, she pushed off the mat, rolling into a Scratch Wheel aimed at Bishamon's head. Bishamon, nonchalantly, grabbed her leg and pushed it away, knocking Elena back into the "ropes" and ove r them. Elena fell into Bust-A-Move, and was dancing before she landed.

One threat dealt with, Bishamon turned to Ryu, or, rather, where Ryu had been a moment ago. A Hadoken slammed into the back of his head. As Bishamon stumbled, Ryu dashed in and thrust-kicked him in the small of the back, knocking him on his face.

As Bishamon stood back up, he took a swing at Ryu's head. The Shotokan caught the blade between his hands and pushed it away, but his concentration never broke.

"C'mon, chump!" the sword yelled. "Make my day!"

Ryu smiled. "If you insist." He dashed forward.

Bishamon ducked low, sending his sword low along the mat, hoping to carve Ryu's legs out from under him. At almost literally the last possible moment, Ryu jumped, his fist extended, and shouted "SHORYUKEN!"

As he was knocked out of the ring, Bishamon felt, for a brief moment, very, very stupid. He clattered to the ground in Rampart, in the shadow of a castle wall.

"Oh, good one, moron," one of the flames said. "Why don't you get us really, really eliminated?"

"Sure! Blame me! It's the armor's fault for not blocking!"

"Whatever," the armor said. "You could've just hooked out that guy's legs like you were supposed to, but no!"

"I wish that blue guy was here," the other flame said wistfully. "He'd have known what to do."

"Yeah, he would've," the armor said.

"I kinda miss him."

"Me too."

As Ryu landed, he ran over to where Akuma was steadily taking Captain America apart. The first thing he'd done was take Cap's shield away; the second was to unleash a Messatsu Go Shoryuken. Cap wasn't unconscious, but was reeling, and Rogue had been no h elp at all. She now lay across the mat, trying to get away from Juggernaut long enough to get to her feet.

As Cap fell to his knees, Ryu jumped over him, slamming Akuma in the solar plexus with an aerial roundhouse kick. As Akuma staggered back, he smiled, happy Ryu had come to fight him at last--as Guy ran in and Bushin Slide Kicked him in the back of the kn ee. Akuma fell on his back as Guy rolled away, and rolled right back up again.

"Guy, get away!" Ryu yelled. "This is my fight!"

"Not a chance," Guy said, circling around Akuma. "This guy will kill you, Ryu."

"That's my choice!"

Akuma laughed to himself. "Come, then! Both of you or just one, together or separate! I'll destroy you!"

Guy cracked his knuckles. "Let's go, then." He dashed forward, flipkicking at Akuma's head, and was rocked by a Shoryuken. Akuma landed on the mat, laughing, as Guy crashed to the ground.

Ryu started forward to help, but had other problems. Yuri Sakazaki, who hadn't been listening to any of this, dashed forward just then, and grabbed Ryu by the shoulders.

"Sorry. Ryu. But. You. Are. Too. Danger. Ous. To. Leave. Alone!" Yuri punctuated each syllable with a vicious slap to the face, and ended the flurry with a powerful backhand. Ryu, just barely, fell over the "ropes", and passed through the dimensional fie ld. As he landed on top of a pile of tires in Earthworm Jim, he couldn't help but wonder whether the drugs had really worn off. The flying cows didn't help.

Guy tried to get up, to counterattack Akuma, but Akuma beat him back down to the mat. "YOU! GIRL!"

Yuri glanced towards him. "What?"

Akuma was seething. "He was MY fight! Savor these, for they are your last moments on Earth!"

"Do you have any idea how often I get told that, pops?" Yuri brushed her hair back. "Go ahead. C'mere."

Akuma ran forward, his arms and legs a constant blur of motion. To her credit, Yuri was able to deflect or counter his first few punches, but Akuma would not -- could not -- be stopped. Slowly, he tore apart her defenses and beat her to her knees, methodically punishing every move she made.

Guy stood up, wiping blood from his nose. Cap was nearby, his shield once again on his arm, and said, "Are you all right?"

"I can manage. You?"

"I'll survive." With that, Cap flung his shield at the back of Akuma's head, stunning him for a split-second. "Let's finish this."

As Cap caught his shield, Yuri moved, rolling away. Guy dashed forward, intending to sweep out Akuma's legs for a second time, but Akuma would not be fooled twice; he simply backflipped, dodging the attack he wasn't entirely certain was there, and when h e saw Guy, Hurricane Kicked him in the back of the head.

He didn't have the chance to attack Cap, though, and that was what cost him. Cap dashed forward, slashed across Akuma's back with his shield, and took a step back. Akuma's blind roundhouse whipped by an inch from his face.

Cap didn't hesitate. As Akuma was off-balance, he crashed into Akuma's back with the Hyper Charging Star, knocking him into the force-field just outside of the ring. Slowly, Akuma slid off of it and through the dimensional field, scrambling for a handhol d the entire way down.

Akuma landed in Tekken 3. As he sat up and shook his head, a blond man walked up to him and smirked. "Who're you, scrub?"

"I am Akuma, a master of Shotokan karate. Who are you, besides a suicidal fool?"

"I'm Paul Phoenix. Think you're ready for a real fight?"

Akuma simply smiled.

A minute later, Wanderer leaned forward, scrutinizing the fight on the DimensionCam. "Hey, Akuma's actually making him cry like a girl! Cool!"

"'Bout time someone did."

*****

Crossfire Match:
IBUKI (SF3:2I) and KYO KUSANAGI (KOF96) survive B.B. HOOD (DS3) and VERMILION (BAT3), 23 to 19 to 10, with five abstentions.

Irony Match:
RYO SAKAZAKI (KOF96) and DEMITRI MAXIMOV (DS3) pummel the crap out of BLACKHEART (MSH) and JEDAH (DS3), 37 to 16, with three abstentions.

ELIMINATIONS: Juggy, Dan: 2. Guy, Cap, Hanzo, Yuri, D!, Rogue, Bish, Ryu: 1.

CURRENT ELIMINATIONS LEADERS: Captain America 8, King 7, Ryu 6, Chun Li 5, Heavy D! 5, Guy 3.

CURRENT ELIMINATIONS LEADERS (LIFETIME, ALL UVRs): Haohmaru 35, Guy 20, Chun Li 18, Ryu 14, King 13, Morrigan 12.

VOTE QUOTES:

"RYU (SF3:2I) LIVE (He called Akuma a pancake. What the hell am I supposed to do?)"

"B.B. gets a pity vote from me. I hate it when people blow up my gargantuan beam weapons."

"B.B. Hood -- Vermilion has the skills, but she has the love."

"RYU (SF3:2I) Well now, see, HE dies. Like I've said before, 'just because a Shoto is hopped up on some drug or other doesn't mean I'm going to vote for him or her'. Also, I'm willing to bet you that's how the whole art got started. ^_^"

LONGEST TANGENT: "Please...we all know that Ermac is gonna show up, string them all up by their toes with barbed wire, beat them to within a collective inch of their lives and leave them hanging, and come in every day with a dull flaming woo den salad shooter and take an inch of each extremity until they are all reduced to a cess pool of stank-ass waste in which small poorly animated birds will land, hop up and down, and stare strangely at the camera -- or at least, that's what would happe n if Ermac were to show up. If by some bizarre twist of fate Ermac has a dentist appointment(or other pressing prior engagement) at the time of the conflict, B.B. Hood will likely bust a cap in all three of their asses."

WHAT?: "Tak: DIE - I want some mashed potatoes.... I miss them."

SADISTIC PARENTS AWARD: "69. TAK (WG) die (y'know, there's some guy on my floor who's got the same name... ^_^;;)"

See you next Section!

The Master Procrastinator:
Thomas "Wanderer" Wilde

The Too Damn Busy To Care:
Christopher "Birdman" Bird

The Vaguely Associated:
Isaac "Mimic" Sher

The Javascript Junkie:
Scott "Silverbolt" Archer