UVR2: THE DESTRUCTION CONTINUES ------------------------------- SECTION ONE RESULTS ------------------------------- Brant walked in to see Birdman, away from the mike (where Big Bear was calmly commenting on the match in triplets of haiku), shuffling through papers and looking worried. "What's up?" "What's up? Lemme see. Kuroko called me...said he'd changed his mind, and wanted to be in the tournament after all. That means we have to bump ANOTHER of the mystery slots, which would knock us down to two after Neo-Dio showed up." "Anything else?" "Oh, there's more...Gokuu, from WHP, showed up. Apparently Proferssor Tym left him behind." "Tym? Why'd he forget?" "I think it was on purpose. I wanted to strangle Gokuu the moment he opened his mouth. What a git..." "Well, that's another mystery slot gone..." "Which knocks us down to ONE. Not good." "Any other bad news?" "Well, Sawada's filing a class-action suit against us for keeping him out of the Rumble...that's gonna suck..." "Ack." "Oh, and some fighters from the Tekken node showed up, uninvited, and asked that they be allowed to prove themselves." "All of them?" "No, just a few...but that still takes us over 150. WAY over." Brant mused for a moment. "Okay. Here's what we do. Restore ALL the mystery slots, which brings us up to 153. I can find another mystery fighter, so that'll get us to 154. How many Tekken fighters are there?" "Five. Yoshimitsu, Marshall Law, Baek, Lei Wulong, and Michelle Power." "Okay. So that's 159. Can you find one more mystery fighter?" "Easy...that gets us to 160." Birdman smiled. "160...a nice, round number that rolls off the tongue, and'll look good on the video boxes and posters, and we only have to change one digit." "Good. But this is IT, Brant. No more inflation. I don't care if Scorpion arrives late, he ain't getting into the Rumble. Period." Birdman turned back to the mike, and blinked. "Ouch! Sasquatch is simply getting nailed by Spiral with those blades, ain't he, folks?" During the time Birdman had been away from the mike, all the fighters up to Ralf had entered the ring. Spiral was tussling with Sasquatch, and Eyedol was happily beating the crap out of both Andy Bogard and Ralf with his club. "Y-y-yeah! Take th-that! And th-th-that!" Andy and Ralf groaned in response. Suddenly, Wan-Fu jumped into the ring, and pointed at Eyedol. "YOU!" yelled the giant king of China. Eyedol turned one head to stare at Wan-Fu. "One s-s-sec..." He noticed Andy crawling away quietly, and quickly spat three fireballs at him. Andy was knocked into the opposite set of "ropes" and rebounded off, landing in the middle of the ring, a smoking heap of pain and suffering. Eyedol charged Wan-Fu, who stood his ground, holding the mighty Pillar of Pain over his shoulder and beckoning with one free hand. Eyedol's first swing with the club connected solidly with the Pillar. Both fighters staggered back a bit from the force of the exchange, then stared at one another with hatred in their eyes and charged again. Eyedol swung at Wan-Fu once more, but this time the powerful King of China rolled beneath the swing and came up with his famed Pillar Uppercut, summoning flames around the Pillar with ease. Eyedol staggered back again, but quickly regained his strength and spat a pair of fireballs at Wan-Fu, who, coming down from the uppercut, was an easy target. The King of China fell down, but was back up on his feet in one second, only a little the worse for wear. While the ongoing clash of the titans was taking place, a newly arrived Sindel was screaming at Ralf and Sasquatch, stunning them. She quickly ran forward and comboed the hell out of Sasquatch while Spiral took advantage of the lull to slam Ralf with half-a-dozen punches. Wan-Fu and Eyedol were now hammering at one another, each parrying the other's blows. The entire ring was shaking. As Kyo Kusanagi entered the fray, he was actually knocked off his feet by the forceful attacks. He rose slowly, adjusting himself to the shaking, and quickly summoned some of his elemental fire to his fingertips, sending it towards a dazed-looking Sindel (who, in fact, hadn't been attacked, but was actually just distracted by a fly whizzing overhead). Shao Kahn's queen fell down in crackling flames. Spiral turned to see Athena jumping into the ring, and Phoenix Arrowing Wan-Fu for eight hits in the back. However, the mighty King was so focused on beating up Eyedol that he paid no attention to the female member of Team China. Athena looked confused. "But it always worked before...I don't get it...it should work. Especially on a walking jelly doughnut." Spiral charged herself up and ran towards Athena, preparing to do her deadly Morphing Madness on the young girl. However, Athena stopped examining Wan-Fu for the moment and noticed Spiral running at her. "Ha! I can beat you! You only have two arms! And they're purple!" Athena launched herself in the air, lunging at the Mojoworlder. Spiral also jumped up, knowing that the Madness was more effective in midair. However, as Athena was extending a thrusting kick at the six-armed mage, Spiral performed a Teleport Switch and appeared behind her, planning to pull the Madness on her back. However, Athena, with lightning quick reflexes, instantly turned her thrusting kick into a backwards-facing Psycho Uppercut, which knocked Spiral for a loop. Psylocke, who had entered while the midair drama was taking place, left her beating up of Sasquatch for a moment and turned to the very-beat-up-looking Andy Bogard. The very very sore Fighting King was staggering to his feet, looking like hell. Psylocke, wondering what Warren would want to do tonight, quickly knocked the Bogard boy back down with a triple PsiBlade. Andy wondered if Mai would want to nurse his wounds tonight. Meanwhile, the powerful Sodom was calmly taking Ralf's last few defenses apart like so much rainwater. Using his swordbreakers, the Alpha Streeter ripped into Ralf over and over again, finally just walking forward and throwing Ralf over the ropes. Ralf fell through the dimensional vortex, and landed on hard concrete. Rubbing his wounds, he slowly stood up, and wondered where he was... The audience laughed as two Formula One racecars knocked Ralf over and slammed him into the stands. However, it should be noted that Ralf's death did cause a forty-three-car-pileup, and ended the race. Robby Gordon himself was later quoted as saying "Where the hell did that shmuck come from, anyway?" Birdman winced sympathetically. "Don't worry, folks, he'll be back, good as new, in about fifteen minutes." Musashi, a new entry, was now hacking at Sodom's back as powerfully as he could...Sodom staggered, but then turned. Musashi drew back, suddenly worried. In a voice not unlike that of James Earl Jones, Sodom spoke. "Who are you, foolish fighter?" "I am Musashi, of the Time Killers." "Good." With that, Sodom slammed Musashi over to the side of the ring with a roundhoes kick. The daisho Musashi carried began to fry him like a fish on a skillet, or more accurately a fish on a 100,000 volt wire. Sindel, bored with the combat, had begun to fly above the fighting. Occasionally, she would say "Whee..." in a quiet, bored voice. Charlotte, with her new, vaguely-reminscent-of-the-girl-from-Roxette hairstyle, entered the ring, and saw the bedraggled Andy Bogard staggering one last time to his feet. She ran over. "Are you hurt, sir?" "HURT? HURT? What do you think, lady? I'm in PAIN." "Well then. I shall have to end it." Charlotte then Splash Founted the hapless Fighting King for repeated hits, knocking him over the ropes. Andy fell through the dimensional portal and landed on dirt. A small light was nearby, flashing the message "STOP." As Andy got up, it changed to "GO" and a huge imposing figure that Andy had thought a statue started moving forth. Andy started slamming the figure with Ishokens, but to no avail...he was crushed between the figure and a wall. Birdman blinked. "Well, it appears Donkey Kong Country isn't very friendly to Bogards." At the same time, Sindel, still floating above, carefree, was suddenly interrupted by Kyo Kusanagi, kicking her repeatedly in the middle of the air. Her concentration disturbed, the Mortal Kombatant was knocked down, her altitude allowing her to pass over the ropes and through a field. She landed in Zangief's typical fighting locale in SF2, with people all around drinking vodka and laughing. Zangief himself was not in attendance, as he was busy wrestling a bear for old times' sake, but there was still a party going on. A fat jolly fellow ran over, and thrust a mugful of vodka (yes, a *mugful*) into Sindel's hand. Sindel looked quizzically at the drink, but then sniffed it and began drinking it. Meanwhile, the Wan-Fu/Eyedol duel had not cooled down. Both fighters were continuing to pummel one another with everything they had (and then some). Blow was matched with blow, kick with kick, fireballs with Rotating Pillar Smashes. Sonya, newly entered, gave the battlers a wide berth as she took after Sodom. The fresh Akira Yuki was now advancing cautiously towards a dazed Sasquatch. Seeing his chance, the Virtual Fighter delivered a thunderous uppercut to the northern beast, which knocked Sasquatch over the ropes, through the field, and right on top of Grandmother's house in Smurf Village. Several Smurfs ran over and said things involving the word "smurf". Suddenly, to a humongous cheer, Galford entered the ring. Noticing that Spiral was chasing the weaponless Musashi (for Sodom has snapped his daisho apart) around the ring, he stood in front of her. She came to a stop. "Get outta my way!" "I'm sorry, but you aren't being fair!" "Oh yeah?" With that, Spiral jumped OUT of the ring and over the ropes, and pulled a Teleport Switch on Galford. Galford, suddenly seeing himself falling to his doom, quickly teleported himself away...and only a log fell through the field. The log landed on Richard Meyer back in the Fatal Fury node. He suffered a minor concussion. Spiral paused to wonder where Galford had gone...then suddenly his ninja-to was buried in her back, driving her to the mat in pain. Galford then withdrew the sword, only to powerfully slash Spiral in two. He grabbed the halves of Spiral's quivering body and tossed them over the ropes. They landed on Richard Meyer as well. He suffered a major laundry bill. Psylocke then dashed up behind Galford, planning to combo him into submission, but the ever-alert Poppy was ready, and rushed the purple-clad nimbo. Psylocke was suddenly concerned with eighty pounds of very angry Poppy. Galford turned, and used Psylocke's trouble to catch his breath, then slashed her across the stomach as Poppy jumped off. The massive-damage slash dropped Psylocke, and when she staggered up Galford caught her in a head-scissors and vaulted her over the ropes. Psylocke landed on the observation deck of the Eiffel Tower. Standing up, she remarked, "Well, it could be worse..." Suddenly, the tower began to sprout arms and legs. Betsy Braddock wondered what exactly was going on...until Spanky the dolphin, one of the French pilots in Aero Fighters 3, blew up the animated landmark. The newly entered Janne was busily slashing Musashi apart. Even without his daisho, he still attempted to attack with them. This usually resulted in his holding out his hands in foolish ways. With a final upwards slash, Janne's broadsword knocked the Time Killer out of the ring and into the Pit from Mortal Kombat 2. *THUD* Sonya, who had been in the ring for a few minutes now, suddenly saw Athena across the ring. Running at top speed, the Marine prepared to Handstand Flip Athena into submission. However, when she began her vault, Athena (who was wondering why a giant snowflake was rushing at her) had her Psycho Barrier up, and mystic shocks (BAD mystioc shocks) ran through Sonya's body. Grabbing the still-doing-a-headstand Sonya, Athena tossed her over the ropes. After passing through the field, Sonya landed in the middle of a nest of Aliens. Acid ensued. Lord Raptor (1945-1975) was busily Evil Screaming Janne whilst this occurred. He turned to see Muscle Power enter the ring. Power turned to the crowd and yelled "I'M NUMBAHHHH ONE!" The crowd booed. Charlotte, who happened to be nearby, performed a Power Gradiation, which knocked the wrestler through the field and into the Saturday Night Slam Masters node, where Mike Haggar led the Slam Masters in what can only be called "an ironic fate". The crowd cheered. Meanwhile, back in the dressing rooms, Haohmaru was preparing to enter combat. He sat, motionless. His breathing was steady and even. In. Out. In. Out. In. Out. Suddenly he leapt to his feet. "ENLIGHTENMENT!" he yelled, slashing the bedpost and a nice Jackson Pollock painting in two. Eyedol, with an extra set of ears, heard the voice of the one he was supposed to kill. "W-w-w-wait...that's H-h-h-..." He never finished his sentence. Wan-Fu, seeing his opportunity, tripped the massive Instinctual Killer, sending him sprawling to the mat. The King of China then started to repeatedly hammer Eyedol in the gut with the Pillar of Pain, ending with a kick that knocked the two-headed beast over the ropes. As Eyedol passed through the field, he suddenly felt light-headed. He then exploded, exposed to the vacuum of Blasteroids. Ryo Sakazaki was busily getting his hopes crushed by Athena. Kohkening Lord Raptor, he resolved to continue, and not to lose hope that someone here might want a relationship with him. Launching a HaohShohKohKen at Lord Raptor, he mused that he was a perfectly attractive guy, so logically he should have a shot. Launching a second HaohShohKohKen, he noticed Charlotte, in an attractive new hairstyle. Launching a final HaohShohKohKen, he gathered up his courage and decided to go ask Charlotte out. Of course, Lord Raptor was busily getting pounded by the huge energy waves Ryo was sending at him. The final HaohShohKohKen punted Raptor over the ropes and through the field, into the same nest of Aliens where Sonya was now being cocooned. The Aliens all ignored Raptor. After all, he was dead. "Hey, babish wonder! Wanna get down with a genuine Lord?" "Echhhh...don't make me puke!" "Won't have to! Look at that facehugger...it's lookin' awful friendly...of course, I *could* rip ya outta there and save yer life...not to mention that wonderful ass..." Sonya changed her tune instantly. "You know, I've always found decayed men to be so...*sexy* for some reason..." "That's more like it!" Raptor ripped Sonya out of the cocoon. Sonya quickly Sonic Blasted the facehugger into debris. "So, where's your gratitude?" "Here. I'm gonna blow you a kiss..." The resulting explosion is better imagined than described. Ryo, meanwhile, had approached Charlotte tentatively. "Ummmm. Excuse me...Charlotte, right? Well, I was just watching you...okay, that's corny, I know...but, um..." "Spare me your tiresome efforts, plebian. On this whole world there exists but one man who meets my standards. You would call him Haohmaru. I would call him mine." Ryo slunk away. ***** FINAL TALLY (44 voters): GALFORD (SS2)- 39:5 (ratio=7.80) CHARLOTTE (SS2)- 35:9 (ratio=3.88) RYO SAKAZAKI (KOF95)- 30:14 (ratio=2.14) AKIRA YUKI (VF2)- 30:14 (ratio=2.14) ASAMIYA ATHENA (KOF95)- 29:15 (ratio=1.93) WAN-FU (SS2)- 29:15 (ratio=1.93) JANNE (WHP)- 24:20 (ratio=1.20) SODOM (SFA)- 23:21 (ratio=1.09) KYO KUSANAGI (KOF95)- 22:22 (ratio=1.00) ************LINE OF SURVIVAL************ SPIRAL (XM:COTA)- 22:22 (ratio=1.00) PSYLOCKE (XM:COTA)- 23:21 (ratio=0.86) ANDY BOGARD (KOF95)- 23:21 (ratio=0.86) LORD RAPTOR (DS2)- 19:25 (ratio=0.76) SASQUATCH (DS2)- 19:25 (ratio=0.76) SONYA (MK3)- 18:26 (ratio=0.69) EYEDOL (KI)- 15:29 (ratio=0.51) MUSASHI (TK)- 13:31 (ratio=0.41) RALF (KOF95)- 13:31 (ratio=0.41) SINDEL (MK3)- 10:34 (ratio=0.29) MUSCLE POWER (WHP) 5:39 (ratio=0.13) ELIMINATIONS THIS ROUND: Galford, Charlotte-2. Ryo, Akira, Athena, Wan-Fu, Janne, Sodom, Kyo-1. SURPRISE OF THE ROUND (for me anyway): The continuing domination of SS2. All their fighters survived, and they took the top two places. STILL LOOKING FOR LOVE: Ryo Sakazaki. See you next round. Chris "Birdman" Bird Brant "Technocrat" Rogers Scott "Hired Goon" Johnson Austin "OJ! OJ!" Loomis